My Last Goodbye...

listening to: "Almost Lover" by: A Fine Frenzy
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Today I spent celebrating my niece Emmalee's 5th birthday. But in all honesty. I spent the day hiding how I really felt. I was annoyed. Upset. Hurt. Lonely. Sad. Angry. Basically every bad emotion you could have all at once. But as the day went on my feelings subsided and i thought maybe it had passed.

The Vols played Cali. We lost. :( But we put up a good fight.

Then as I went to bed I got a phone call from my ex. He kept apologizing for the way he was while we were together. He kept telling me how much misses me and loves me. I just cried. I couldn't say it back. I don't love him and it hurts cause not many people truly care for him.

He asked me to marry him. like honestly asked me. I just cried and told him "no." I can't marry someone I don't love. I hate that I had to tell him all of this. But we broke up before I moved back to Michigan. I believe he is an alcoholic. He never admits it. But I know he is. I just can't believe that my first real proposal was on the phone with an ex boyfriend who I'm not in love with and is drunk and pouring his heart out as he tells me that he thinks someone is going to kill him in the next few weeks.

But the worst part is that I don't have the guts to tell him everything. Maybe it's better that I don't. He told me that the first 2 months after I moved he just sat and cried thinking I left because of him. I just feel so bad that he kept blaming himself for us not working out and knowing how much it hurt him to see me leave.