listening to: "Things Left Unsaid" by: Disciple
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Wow this song couldn't fit any better if I planned it for my post for today.
Last night I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks, happy feelings, sad feelings, and a whole lot of "what just happened????" feelings.
I was having a really weird dream... that's not uncommon for me. But then something happened that really "shook" me.
In the dream there were about 11 of us in this room and locked off from the rest of the world to keep us safe. But one wall was all mirrors. I was talking to someone who was looking at it and admiring themselves when my Grandma appeared in the mirror.
I thought I was seeing things. But then I remembered some of the "instructions" as we entered the room. That this wasn't a mirror. It was a "window" and people who have passed on would come to the window to help us survive.
She and I both started crying. She hadn't changed at all. She loved the color purple and was wearing the same style shirt she always wore. Sleeveless, of course. With little pink and purple flowers. I could smell her even. Nothing had changed. She smelled like hard work (yes it really does have a smell!!), yarn & southern food. I loved the way she always smelled. It was always a sort of "home" to me.
We just stared at each other for a minute until my niece Emmalee came up and asked where she was. I pointed her out and then my sisters, Anisa & Jennifer came to join us. We all started crying again and Anisa told Grandma she looked so pretty. She laughed and said "No I don..." (she looked down at her outfit and smiled continuing) "...yes I do." :D
We all laughed a little. Cause that was so her sense of humor. Then she teared up again and told us "I miss you. You all turned out so beautiful."
I woke up just then in tears. I didn't know if it was real or not. I've been told that "angels" can come and talk to you in your dreams my whole life. I've been raised to believe this is real. It happened to numerous people in the bible... I mean one spoke to Mary telling her about baby Jesus after all.
I feel my dreams so much that sometimes I have a hard time deciphering what's real and what isn't. The rest of the dream honestly felt the way it always does. But the part where my Grandma appeared to and talked to us... it fell "spiritual".... like it was real. Like she was really there... really talking to us.
She passed away when I was 14 years old. I was going through a really hard time back then. And I lived in my own little world. Not letting anyone know exactly how much pain I was in. When she passed away I wasn't sure how I would survive with out her too. I did. But man it's hard to express how much I miss her daily.
I never got to say good-bye to her. Maybe this was her way of helping me to move on. 12 (almost 13) years is a long time to dwell on something.
Was it real? Am I just imaging it? Am I crazy?
- Stacey Ree -
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