Opening Up My Heart

Ok so there's no denying the fact that I have a really big crush on a friend of mine, AJ Cheek from the band Nevertheless. See the guys came in to the station for an interview and stuff before we all headed for lunch and then to a show in Muskegon. But we had a few 'visitors' before we left. Yeah . That's right... thanks to Sierra & Lemke there is no doubt in my mind that AJ knows that I like him.

So now I'm down to only 2 fears when it comes to AJ.... 1.. that he may not like me back... and 2... that he may think the only reason I like him is because of his band. If that were the case then I would have crush on every band I've met. Think about it. When I first met eleventyseven... Caleb was VERY single. But Caleb is sort of like my little brother. He likes to pick on me in every way possible and I pick back.

I had a crush on Jon Neufeld. I admit that. But that's behind me. I've been over Jon. Basically we stopped talking and my crushed slowly faded with it.

But there's something about AJ. Britanny (Nevertheless' drummer, Adam Rowe's girl friend) asked me on friday what it is about AJ that I like so much. I couldn't give her one thing. He has the most beautiful hazel eyes I've ever seen. His smile makes me giggle like a 13 year old who just discovered boys do NOT have cooties.

The way he teases me about bands that I don't like... one in particular is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. How he brushes his hair to the right side of his forehead every few minutes... His laugh... His enourmous heart... his accent... his southern charm... the list goes on. There's just something about him I just can't seem to shake.

Why I'm writing this in a blog I don't know. I should be telling him. I should have told him on Friday when he & I wer saying goodbye outside of the WaYfm Envoy and the Nevertheless Van. I should have hugged him tighter... held on a little longer... forget that... I just should have told him.

This is me... opening up my heart that I have kept locked up tightly for years. I am taking a risk that I'm not used to taking. I'm putting my heart out there for AJ to take for his own... since it is his already... or for him to turn and walk away.

Either way.... AJ... if you're reading this... I am willing to keep this as friendship only. I'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all. I just can't deny my heart any longer. I don't know if this is God's will or not. But if it is... who am I to hide under a rock and not allow his will to be done.

- Stacey -