O' Child

listening to: "O' Child" by: Nevertheless
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Ok so you may know already that my mind doesn't work like "normal" peoples.... in my mind when you feel something for someone you need to do things like stare at a picturea of the two of you until your eyes sting from not blinking.

I just don't hve the attention span for that. Nor do I have the time :). My mind just simply won't allow it. When you have as many thoughts as I do you just know it's impossible and honestly... how many people do that in real life?

So yeah... couldn't sleep last night. I know... BIG surprise. But the whole Tennessee move has been heavy on my mind lately. I've been sayinf for the past... no joke... 16 years that I'm going. But it didn't really hit me until I rolled over in hopes of leaving some thoughts behind on the abandoned pillor when I noticed a picture that usually hangs stragetically in eyesight next to my pillow like an angel watching over me as I sleep was packed away.

I never realized how much that one picture had been such a comfort in the past few months. It makes me miss Matt more than I have in a long time since he died. I wish he were here. He would have been so proud. He always knew I would go one day. He never doubted that from the day I met him until the day he couldn't fight the cancer anymore.

I think about him often. Mostly in times like this when I know he'd be right there being the supportive best friend he always was. Which I know in my heard is just his way of telling me... that he is. Sometimes I find myself talking to him outloud, sometimes in my head. And it's almost like I can hear him laughing at me when I do or say soemthing completely random.

There is no way to go back and change what happened. But I know. God knows. Matt knows. That if I could, I would trade places with Matt. So that he could live a full life.

But then again.... He did.

I miss you, Matt!
- Stacey-

FINALLY!!

listening to: "Time (To Let This Go)" by: Nevertheless
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Today is the day! I have been waiting for this day for the past 1 year.... ok it's been over a year now... BUT... YEAH! Nevertheless' cd is released TODAY! I don't think I have been more proud of them than I am at this very moment.

Let me just say that I HIGHLY recommend this cd to everyone. Give it a sample and I promise you will be as addicted as I am!

You cannot escape the love that is Nevertheless. hahaha

But yeah... Nevertheless "Live Like We're Alive" in stores TODAY!

better late than never...

listening to: the rain outside
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ok so I know it's been a while since I've updated (all 5 of you) on what's going on in my life (cause it's not like I don't talk to you just everyday haha)

Well as you know my big move to Tennessee is only 18 days away. I'm getting really nervous. This is a big move and I just want to be sure that this is really what God wants in my life and that it's not just something I think He wants.

I talked to Wynnde today (like every other day haha) and she was at Shoutfest with my near and dear friends Caleb, Matt & Jonathan (Eleventyseven) along with Rowe, Wann, Pearson, AJ & Brad (Nevertheless). This of course depressed me cause I haven't seen them in months. I began to feel like a horrible friend since Wynnde sees them all the time and I don't.

I'm going to miss Nevertheless' cd release party by 9 days and that kills me. I feel like I should be there to show my support... which of course I know I don't need to show to them. If they haven't figured out by now how much I support them... they're some REALLY blind guys! :)

I did however get to talk to Rowe for a second so that was cool. And I heard Pearson in the background saying something. Wynnde told me that Matt told her to tell me hi but she had already hung up. I miss those guys. :( The only thing that would have made me want to be there more would have been if Lu (Story Side:B) and Katie & Brian (3:16) would have been there. If they were there then I would have been REALLY heart broken.

So anyway... talked to Wynnde for a bit after the gang parted and then when we hung up I tried to get some sleep... knowing it wasn't gonna happen. Well I was right. So after reading for a bit and then beating another level on The Legend of Zelda: Link To The Past... I decided to go for a drive.

So I did.

I just drove around town listening to Until June (Of course!) trying to clear my head. Which as you know is a non-stop, drama filled, chaos factory. But it must have done something to my mind cause about the time I was passing the old factory near my apartment I hit the curb. My mind drifted and I almost flipped my brand new (even though it's a used car) car.

So now I lay here in my room only lit by my computer screen listening to the rain outside and typing another random blog that is extremely long and probably not making any sense. Honestly. I don't remember half of what I wrote. I'll have to go back and read it.

Insomnia has become a part of my life...
- Stacey -