Happy Thanksgiving?

listening to: "Oh Star" by: Paramore

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It's the holidays. Everyone's wishing everyone a "Happy Holidays." So far Thanksgiving is past. It was actually a great one. I got to spend it with family. My friend Katie came up from school in Illinois with her boyfriend, Justin. And best of all (no offense to the rest of you) Nick flew in from Nashville while he had a few days off. 

He had to fly back tonight for a few shows. I have to say (thankfully) it wasn't nearly as hard to say goodbye this time. I know when I get to see him again. Plus he has this thing about "spoiling" me. lol So now I own a pair of chucks... and because he worries so much about me being cold... I also now own a brand new jacket and a heating blanket. lol

He doesn't need to buy me things and he knows it. I'm not used to a guy buying me things and treating me like he does. But I can get used to it. :) Honestly when I think about it he buys me is usually pretty practical. Things I can use. Like when he insists on buying groceries or a fan. :) ok so he didn't buy the fan... it was his. But you get the idea. lol 

I won't pretend that I'm not 100% comfortable with him doing it. I wasn't raised to be like that. I'm not used to guys taking care of women. My mom taught me to be independent and that women can do things on their own. They can survive without a man telling them what to do. But in all honesty... It's not so hard to allow Nick to do what he wants. 

Poor guy puts up with enough of my whining when he does. lol So I try and let him do what he wants from time to time. He seems to be ok with that deal. lol

Anyway. That's what's going on in Staceyland... hope all is well and you're enjoying the holiday season wherever you are tonight...

don't be a stranger. ok?

- Stacey Ree -

and then there was one...

listening to: silence (but "Crippling Machine" from: A Roterdam November is stuck in my head...

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sleep. 

I wish. 

Sleep has never come very easily from me. I get that honestly. my mom's always had problems sleeping too. But for a while it wasn't as much of a problem. But now that Nick is gone... sleep has gotten MUCH worse again. I worry if he's ok. We hardly talk because our schedules are polar opposites and we're always so busy.  But for some reason tonight is the worst it's been in months. 

I thought for a second maybe it was because this was around the time Matt died. 

it's not. 

that was a few weeks ago. 

I can't put my finger on it. All I know is that my mind won't stop racing and I can't get comfortable. 

Something's coming. Something big. 

Excitement or anxiousness of worry I can't tell. but whatever it is... my senses are going haywire. I wake up at night expecting to see someone in my apartment... nope... just myself and laura.

I constantly feel watched... but not always creepily. I just can't focus in any way. And what's worse... I don't have anyone to really talk to. Everyone's sleeping right now. And this is the time when it's the worst. in the dead of night while the whole world and everyone I love is asleep and unaware that I'm in need of help... but it's not really help that anyone can give me... at least I don't think....

Ok i'm rambling again... sorry...

- Stacey Ree -

Remembering November 1994...

listening to: "Who You'd Be Today" by: Kenny Chesney & "When We Die" by: Bowling For Soup

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As the anniversary of Matt's death approaches I remember him as he was and wish so many of my family and friends could have met him. Most of all I wish he and Nick would have met. Nick would've liked him. Matt would've been at ease "leaving me" in Nick's care.

I look at my relationship with Nick and I see a lot of Matt in him and how we interact. The jokes we make toward each other. The things he worries about. I haven't told him yet... but he reads this so surprise baby! I just didn't know how to bring it up. 

Everyday he (Nick) becomes more and more of my best friend... the one Matt had always been. And for the first time in my life I'm more at ease with him being gone. For the first time in 14 years I'm not grieving over Matt's death. But rejoicing in the friendship we shared. 

I can't believe how blessed I am. I've gotten to experience 2 of the greatest best friends I'll ever have in my life time... one of them... my guarding angel... and the other... the man God has hand picked for me to spend the rest of my life with.

I only wish the rest of the world could be as happy as I am. 

- Stacey-

OH!!! I forgot... Nick's gotten me into attending church online at lifechurch.tv and in the series "Kaleo" week 1 Pastor Craig told us a story about a woman he saw who may have needed help and how he didn't stop to see and how that memory haunted him... he said one thing that really hit stuck with me. He said... "To care and not act is to not care at all." 

Chew on that for awhile and I pray it opens your eyes to how true that is for each and everyone of us when we choose to not do something simply because we don't want to... To be a good Christian... to be a good neighbor... to be a good citizen... to be a good person... is to help those in need even when you don't want to and it's an "inconvenience". That may be an angel in disguise and it's what God wants... not what we want no matter what way you look at it. So stop making excuses and ACT!