Pride & Prejudice

Every so often I get in these moods. Like I’m not “complete.” I get so focused on what God wants in one part of my life that I end up ignoring what he wants in other parts of my life. As much as I try to listen to that… I just never seem to grasp it. So then I end up literally locking myself away praying that maybe shutting myself out from as much ‘distractions’ as possible… then maybe just maybe it’ll become more clear. It never does. If anything it gets more complicated. It usually ends up being one certain part of my future that I get so mixed up on. But it doesn’t help when I have mom freaking out or breathing down my neck about making up my mind.

It’s just not that easy!

I just prefer to be alone at times like this. Is that so much to ask for? Aparently for my mom it is. And I’m not kidding. She literally JUST came in my room as I finished that sentence. It’s time to start looking for roommates again.

Last night my back started to bother me and Lee took notice. He said that he could tell exactly where it hurt me cause one side of my back was hard as a rock and the other wasn’t. Only thing about that is that the left half of my lower back always sticks where as my right lower back doesn’t. But it occurred to me that when only a part of my back hurts it’s generally my lower left back. Interesting.

And then I started thinking… My back didn’t bother me hardly at all when I was at school. Hmm… maybe it’s mom. I wonder cause last night I told her I’m taking it easy today cause of the pain I was earlier in the evening. She was totally fine with it. She lied. This morning she started getting mad at me cause I wanted to relax and watch a movie or read a book when she wanted to clean.

Yep she threw a fit like a 4 year old who was told they can’t have candy.

So I cleaned and within 10 minutes… My back started hurting. She doesn’t have any idea cause she was in the other room. But I did it to shut her up. I told her that she’d be like “we’re only gonna run the sweeper and dust. And then once that’s done she’s want to clean something else.” She got mad at me for that too and said she would not say anything of the sort. Well post dusting & running of the sweeper… she wanted to clean more!

I KNEW IT!

And since every time I’ve tried to give myself 5 minutes of “Stacey time” to be alone to sort out my life, have time with God, and rest my back… she’s coming in my room saying “are you gonna do this?” or “I wanna do this today.” Which of course means I want you to do this or I’m gonna lay a guilt trip on you till you do” & “I’m going to make sure I’m the center of your attention all day and you’re not going to like it.”

UGH! I can’t take it anymore! I’m never going to get to rest and figure out what God wants as long as I’m living here. Anyone looking for a roommate?