God Speaks

Ok so today at church the pastor was talking about "Monsters." No I don't mean the like "Oh I'm scared of that noise in the closet" kind of Monster. I mean the "I'm afraid of the what if" kind of Monster. So it got me thinking. Why am I so afraid? He said "Fears are broken truths from a broken world." Why am I so afraid to open up? Why can't I just say what I feel?

Because I'm too afraid to open up where it really matters I thought maybe I should make baby steps and start out by saying some of that here. So here goes....

I am so afraid to actually follow through on the advice I give others on a daily basis. I'm afraid to open up and tell "him" I like him. I'm afraid to take a chance. I'm afraid of what might happen, what he might say, how he might react.

Forget snakes, spiders, & clowns... I am so afraid of him in general. Since I met him all I've been thinking is "what if." "What if he rejects me?" "What if I get let down?" "What if he doesn't even really notice me?"

But then I thought... why do I have these thoughts? Why is he on my mind? I have a boyfriend. One who loves me. Luke 1:37 states "For nothing is impossible with God." If the bible says it. And I truly beleive... why can't I trust God to take me through this and guide me on the right path?

Then the pastor said a couple things that truly hit home. He asked the congregation "Are you going to be able to your storms how big God is and not how big your storms are?" "What is the monster in your life these days? What are you afraid of popping up and attacking you?" "Imagine your worst fears coming true and what they would do to your life."

He is my fear. My one true... honest... Monster in my closet... stomach turning... heat pounding... i'm gonna be sick... fear.

Alright. I'm done. I promise.

- Stacey -