Opening Up My Heart

Ok so there's no denying the fact that I have a really big crush on a friend of mine, AJ Cheek from the band Nevertheless. See the guys came in to the station for an interview and stuff before we all headed for lunch and then to a show in Muskegon. But we had a few 'visitors' before we left. Yeah . That's right... thanks to Sierra & Lemke there is no doubt in my mind that AJ knows that I like him.

So now I'm down to only 2 fears when it comes to AJ.... 1.. that he may not like me back... and 2... that he may think the only reason I like him is because of his band. If that were the case then I would have crush on every band I've met. Think about it. When I first met eleventyseven... Caleb was VERY single. But Caleb is sort of like my little brother. He likes to pick on me in every way possible and I pick back.

I had a crush on Jon Neufeld. I admit that. But that's behind me. I've been over Jon. Basically we stopped talking and my crushed slowly faded with it.

But there's something about AJ. Britanny (Nevertheless' drummer, Adam Rowe's girl friend) asked me on friday what it is about AJ that I like so much. I couldn't give her one thing. He has the most beautiful hazel eyes I've ever seen. His smile makes me giggle like a 13 year old who just discovered boys do NOT have cooties.

The way he teases me about bands that I don't like... one in particular is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. How he brushes his hair to the right side of his forehead every few minutes... His laugh... His enourmous heart... his accent... his southern charm... the list goes on. There's just something about him I just can't seem to shake.

Why I'm writing this in a blog I don't know. I should be telling him. I should have told him on Friday when he & I wer saying goodbye outside of the WaYfm Envoy and the Nevertheless Van. I should have hugged him tighter... held on a little longer... forget that... I just should have told him.

This is me... opening up my heart that I have kept locked up tightly for years. I am taking a risk that I'm not used to taking. I'm putting my heart out there for AJ to take for his own... since it is his already... or for him to turn and walk away.

Either way.... AJ... if you're reading this... I am willing to keep this as friendship only. I'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all. I just can't deny my heart any longer. I don't know if this is God's will or not. But if it is... who am I to hide under a rock and not allow his will to be done.

- Stacey -

There's a Wann growing out of my head!

Oh where to start....

Big Ticket was a blast and a half. I got to see one of my best friends, Wynnde. So that was super cool... Oh my sweet cookies! Did I seriously say 'super cool' *goes back and re-reads* I did... *hangs head in shame*

Well I got to visit with my friends, Brian & Katie from 3:16. I haven't seen them in a while. So I really geeked when I found out they were going to be there. Wynnde immediatly fell in love with thier music and thier merch table had a really good turn out. They did some really great songs from thier cd "At The Gate" and of course Katie and to go and point me out mentioning WaYfm... The show wasn't for me, Katie. hahaha

I got to see the guys from Story Side:B again also. Was really happy about that. Sadly I didn't get to try sushi like I was supposed to. :( Next time guys. I promise.

The one thing I am the most excited about though (No offense to 3:16 and Story Side:B - cause I saw them a lot more recently) is that I got to see my friends from Nevertheless. Can you believe it's been a year since I last saw them? We hung out quite a bit and a more laughs than should be allowed. For instance... ok there are 5 guys in the band... Joshua (lead vocals), Wann (Adam number Wann (yeah corney joke from Joshua - Wann plays the Bass), AJ (Lead guitar), Brad (Rhythmic guitar) & Rowe (Another Adam who plays drums)... anyway... We were all hang out at the merch table and I was leaning up against a post in the pavilion and Wann was also... I was like laying on it with my right shoulder and my arms wrapped around it for some reason. Wann had his right arm propped above my head (since he's a lot taller than I am) and then Wynnde gave me something to set down next to our stuff and when I turned I ran into Wann's arm. Only thing is when I moved so did his arm... he just left it pressed against my head and said that I tried to take it from him... All I could think of to say was "Wynnde! There's a Wann growing out of my head!"

That's one story of MANY... just know that the guys REALLY liked to tease me! Between Josh and Wynnde I have no idea who enjoyed teasing me more. But I think out of all of them I think Brad got me the best in one shot... Brad... I'll get you back for that one. hahahaha Let's just say that I got so embarassed that I took off running and hid... yeah I don't do that very often! But I probably deserved it.

Another is that Brad, Wann & Rowe wrote "AJ" on the back of AJ's neck so then Brad ended up with "Brad" on the back of his and then Wann got tagged with "A.W." But I saw AJ's first and then I pointed it out to Wynnde as he was walking away and as soon as she saw it we started laughing really hard and he gave us a look of "What'd I do?" So then we later had to explain why we were laughing. He obviously knew it was there. But it was just funny cause Wynnde made the comment of "Someone forgot his name and so they wrote it on his neck to keep track of who's who." hahaha

And with that I am going to get back to work cuase I'm at the Jessie Daniels show right now and I'm supposed to be signing people up for the WaYfm Street Squad and the WaYfm Music Crew. Now if only people would come out here and sign up... but hey she just started singing "The Noise" and I'm still not seeing anyone coming out so I'm assuming they're enjoying it. THAT'S GREAT NEWS!!!

- Stacey -














This is Josh














Introducing Adam Rowe














My buddy Adam Wann














That'd be Brad














Yep. That's AJ.

Girl Guts

"Raindrops" by: Armor For Sleep
*****************************
So I was at the WaYfm werbsite, http://www.way.fm tonight watching videos when one REALLY stuck out at me. It's a song I've known inside and out for a long time.. but I guess... like something else in my life... I never really let it 'grab a hold of me' until now.

Chad, Natalie's boyfiend and a good friend of mine has this thing he likes to tease us girls (Natalie, Wynnde, Leslie & I) about. He says we need to 'grow girl guts'. Since none of us... ok well... not Leslie... are really bad at being risk takers. This is something I'm sure you're WELL aware of by now that I have a problem with.

Well something really BIG is about to happen to me. No I'm not saying "Oo! I can predict the future!" Cause I can't. This is something I've known about and have been planning. Well the time is LITTERALLY moments away and I am on pins and needles so to speak.

I made the comment to Wynnde a little earlier about how I am both extremely excited and more nervous than I have ever been in my life. I truly mean that.

I don't know what God has planned. I don't know why this is happening. I wasn't even supposed to be there. But here I am... with the clock ticking down to this moment.

As I... ok lay here... in my room only lit by the screen from my monitor... my mind begins to wander to that moment. That first initial moment. What's going to happen? How will I react? What will be the outcome? All these questions and many senarios that poor Wynnde has had to endure over and over hearing about have been bouncing off the shell of my brain like a ping pong ball in mid play.

I can't sleep. When I do... it's restless and for short periods of time.

Forget focusing on one certain thing. My mind keeps drifting to this day... this hour.. this second...

I was asked yesterday by lead singer, Lu from Story Side: B if I was married becuase I wear 2 rings on the ring finger of my left hand and because I am so young.

I explained to him about the Claudaugh and that I wear it like that because my heart is taken by the man I am going to marry one day.. whomever he may be. I don't know if I have met him yet... but if I have... there's one man that I have my heart set on.

No. Not Jon. Or the guy I met a few months ago that I couldn't stop thinking about. This is a guy that I met a while ago. Someone who I fell for the day I met. But I suppressed it thinking that it could never be and that I needed to focus on what I had and other parts of my life.

These feelings have been building up this entire time. Every time his name was brought up. Everytime I heard something that reminded me of him. The feelings built up a little more. Only I didn't know it until I got over the whole Nick thing.

Now this is what I mean by 'girl guts'. I'm taking a risk of this man reading this and figuring out that it's him before the 'moment' arrives... or even after for that matter.

But since I've done so much rambling.. that I'm quite good at :) I will end now. Sorry for either boring you... or making you go completely crazy out of confusion.

- Stacey Ree -

The Emberlight

Last night I got a call from my good friend, Andy saying to get to to a show in GR... one small problem... The Emberlight went on in 45 minutes and it takes Leslie 30 minutes to get to my house and 40 minutes for me to get to GR.

But we made it for a least one song!

I promised I'd post some pictures so here ya go.

That's Andy in the green jacket - Jeff in the gray t-shirt

This is my good buddy, Scott who plays drums for The Emberlight... hahaha he ONLY referes to me as "WaYfm Stacey" cause of my Myspace name hahahaha

One of the girlfriends... my friend, Lauren (pictured with Jeff) & my new friend, Anna (pictured with Andy). HOW CUTE ARE THEY?!?

OH! and just so you know how crazy my family is...

Oh yes... Leslie and I are crazy ones! hahahaha. It's a classic family trait!
But Leslie does have her adorable moments
And no family photo blog would be complete with out one of the "adopted" cousins... I love ya Rachel!

Losing touch...

Listening to: "Weak" by: JoJo
************
You ever have one of those days where you just sit back and let everything sink in?

I'm having one of those days. I'm just sitting out on my porch listening to music... Surfing the web... Reading my book... And letting the things I've been avoiding become abundantly clear to me.

For instance... A friend of mine and I are drifting apart. We both have had the "is she mad at me?" talks with a mutual friend of ours. But it doesn't seem to help. I've asked if she's wanted to hang out. But I get the "I have to work." (Which I 100% understand)... Or something else... "I have to see what mom has planned." "I was gonna talk to my boyfriend." That sort of thing. It's always sad when two people lose touch... It's even worse when they're really close. I don't want to lose her friendship. It's been my support through more than I can explain. It's apparent that neither one of us wants to let this go... If we didn't we wouldn't care if the other was mad or not.

On another (more positive) note. I have a crush... I know surprise surprise. But this guy doesn't have a girlfriend he has failed to mention... He doesn't want to be... Um... "Friends"... He's actually someone I know cares about being my friend. In fact 2 of my good friends have mentioned me to him and they said he got all excited and made sure to send a hug or a "hello" and told them how he thought I was 'awesome'...

This is a guy that I've actually had a crush on since I met him almost a year ago. It was one of those "I like him but I'm going to fight it because of another guy" things. When I met him I had a boyfriend... That isn't healthy in ANY situation. Then that ended and I dated another guy.... So when that ended I thought "he has to have a girl friend... Someone like him couldn't be single."

Well much to my surprise... I let go of one crush... Then another one... Then this guy that I had been "fighting" had come back into my life... Even though he was never really "gone". I got a call from a friend of mine who had just talked to him he had to pass along the "hello" and such... Then I got ANOTHER call from another friend who had also just talked to him on another day... She wanted to let me know about seeing him and such... The crush was no longer something I could fight.

There are no boyfriends... No other crushes... Only him.

I don't know what I'm going to do if I get shot down again. I don't mean anything rash... I just mean I'm friends with this guy. I mean I don't want my crush on him to ruin our friendship. Not to mention I'm about to go see him again here in a bit and I don't want it to be all awkward... You know. But from what I hear about how he acts when I'm not around the possibilities of that are slim.

I'll let you know how it goes.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!
- Stacey -

Land of Evil Printers

Listening to: "Supersonic" by: Family Force 5
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Ok for those of you that like Family Force 5 you usually listen to them either cause you're in a good mood or to make you be in one right?

For those of you that don't listen to them... Give it time I WILL have you addicted! And if I don't... Natalie, Leslie or Wynnde will.... Either way... You cannot escape the love that is Family Force 5.

Anyway... So yeah you usually listen to them cause they're awesome and it makes you happy... Nope. Not me. Not right now. I'm literally listening to them to CHILL OUT! hahaha you don't listen to them to chill out. This is not 'chill out' music. But I am.

Why? Well in a nut shell.. WCSG is out to get me. I just know it! And everyone is using the WCSG printers as the main tool to making me finally take that last step of utter and complete insanity. I was literally yelling at one of them earlier. If that one wasn't printing my envelopes upside down then it was printing them on the BACK of the envelope. And it wouldn't print from the trays it was supposed to...

Heck no that would be WAY to easy. Nope instead I had to switch paper to envelopes literally with EVERY printing job. And then I was trying to print to another printer cause I have officially decided I hate the other one...

So then that one ate my stack of envelopes at once and then decided to print at the previous printer...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Starts twitching and stuttering*

don't bother calling 9-1-1... She's beyond help!

SURPRISE!

Listening to: "Take Away" by: Mainstay
***********************
Hey look I'm updating! Be proud! hahaha

Ok so what is the greatest thing in the world to wake up to at 1:30am????

I'll give you a hint...

It has something to do with a friend named Wynnde calling you and saying "I have someone that wants to talk to you" and it turning out to be one of the greatest men in Christian Music... Andy Rosco from The Emberlight!

You figured it out yet? ;)

So yeah. The Emberlight is on tour right now in the Ohio area mostly so I haven't talked to Andy in a little while cause he's so busy. But yeah it was so good to hear from him. I miss him! Andy's the greatest! *thinking to herself* I wonder if he wore his green shoes... hmmm...

ok to bed I go... again... lol... night!
- Stacey -

Today is the day!

so I hope all of you went out and picked up your copies of "Eleventyseven And The Land Of Fake Beleive" and "Beauty In The Broken". Both were released today! *does a happy dance*

I've been waiting since November... *tries to recalculate in her mind*... oh I don't remember... whenever the Starfield cd was supposed to originally be out. The street date got pushed back so many times that I lost track. But it's been a while. And now it's out and everyone can share in the joy that is Starfield.

Not to mention. My dear friends, Eleventyseven have put out thier debut cd on flicker records as well.

my 2 favorite bands putting out a cd on the same day... what more could I ask for... Nat, Leslie, Chad & Wynnde... don't answer that. hahahaha

- Spaztic Monkey... or whatever my new nickname is today... hahaha *looks at Nat* PHONE BOOK! hahahahaha -

Indiana trip

Listening to: "Myspace" by: Eleventyseven
***************************
Ok so this was QUITE the weekend. For those of you reading that were there... you know what I mean.
First of all I need to mention that on the way down to Indiana Nat and I happened upon the RV Hall of Fame. Yeah cause apparently RVs need one. Explain that!


So yeah Eleventyseven has officially taken their rightful title as my favorite band. Yeah you read that right. They have surpassed the unbeatable... Starfield.

Being around Matt, Jonathan & Caleb this weekend has made me respect them in a whole new way. I see them in a different light now. No I don't mean the stage lighting was different... though it was... I have honestly become friends for life with them. They truly are 3 amazing guys.

I found this Ninja turtle a while back and when I saw it – it reminded me of Jonathan since he had a Ninja Turtles patch on his backpack when we met them. So I gave it to him… well you’ll see in a later blog the story behind this picture….

and of course... this one...

poor turtle! hahaha

Then Matt had to go and break my heart. No… not like I liked him or something… the guy has a girlfriend… trust me she’s beautiful! I’ve seen pictures. No he was being Matt and joking around. There was one thing he said that I just looked at Nat and wanted to cry. I guess I almost did cause Jonathan was like “oh my gosh you ARE going to cry!” and he, Matt & Caleb quickly tried to take the situation back. They redeem themselves in friendship well by the way.

I could go on and on about how wonderful they are but then you might want to throw up and for once I want to write a blog that doesn't take 4 hours to read.

But I do have to mention that Natalie & I got to hang out with the guys from Dizmas also along with our friend from Ohio, Wynnde and another friend of ours, Chad that made the LONG trip from Tennessee. Thanks SOOOO much to you both for that by the way! I love you guys!

Zach (who by the way… for being in a band as hard as they are he and his brother, Josh smile A LOT) from Dizmas was a blast and a half. I hung out with him almost as much as I hung out with EleventySeven... ALMOST. Sadly my cousin, Leslie who was supposed to join us on the adventure this weekend couldn't make it so she missed it. But it was made up for by the end of the night when I called her to inform her that all the guys signed a poster for her and Jon Howard even made sure to personalized it saying they missed her.... which all of Dizmas & Eleventyseven made sure to say numerous times throughout the evening....

Sorry side tracked... anyway... so yeah I called Leslie to tell her about the poster... I got her machine so she called to see how it went and wanted us to pass on a message to Zach for her and then... She told me to hand over the phone to him. So I did. And he walked away with it. hahahaha

She was in her glory.

Then Caleb took my phone to talk to her. Yeah... SUPER FUNNY!

Oh man and I wanted to make this a short one...

Oh and a duck hissed at me! hahahaha
As I close I only have one thing to say... "YOU'VE BEEN MULLETIZED!" hahahahaha

- Spaztic Monkey -

Hitting The Road

Listening to: “Car Underwater” by: Armor For Sleep
*********************
Well it’s 6:55am on Friday morning…. Yep it’s officially “D-Day”.

In roughly 2 hours Nat will be here to pick me up to make the trip down to South Bend, IN to go visit our friends, Eleventyseven, Wyndee and Nat’s boyfriend, Chad.

One thing’s for certain is that this will be an eventful weekend.

I’ve already promised to take lots of pictures. And I’m sure I’ll have PLENTY of stories. Hahahahahaha

So all that is left is to pack a few more things like my shampoo and stuff and then get some snacks for the road. OH! And of course a few more Number Fill-Ins and A Sudoku that my sister has been hiding from me.

I’ll be sure to post some pics and of course a blog… or 15 about this weekend here shortly.

Oh and I’m super happy to report that a friend that lives in Florida & I have been in touch… when we have time and I *crosses fingers* will be able to make a trip down there sometime this summer for a visit. That would be SO much fun! More on that in a later post…

Anyway… wish me luck… Nat’s driving today. ;) hahahahaha

To South Bend With You!
- Stacey -

So what ya gonna, gonna do...

Listening to: Third Day "Cry Out To Jesus" (It's on WCSG right now)
*******************
Ok so since my last blog A LOT has happened. I've been an emotional rollercoaster... VERY obvious to those whom... I'm sorry... have witnessed it and been on the "bad end" of it.

Sorry to you all. I know I haven't been the nicest or the happiest. I had a broken heart... but that's no excuse. But you'll all be happy to know that it's all been changed. Well... sort of... I no longer have a broken heart. But nor do I have my phone ringing off the hook or 100 e-mails to read each day simply because I was on his mind from the guy in my thoughts.

But I have recently come to understand that giving up hope is just not 'in the cards' for me as some people like to put it.

I was at work the other day when God began to talk to me. You know what I mean the kind of 'talking' when he just lets you know what you need to know by not using words. Well he did that. And let me tell you... when God has your undivided attention and has something to say... He can talk A LOT! and there was no mistaking that God was talking then.

I began to get sick to my stomach and since I was allowed to have a short break I went outside and began to pray. I didn't know what was going on and why God was telling me what he was... i just didn't understand. But then God spoke again. I suddenly got Aaron Shust "My Savior, My God" stuck in my head. But not all of it. In fact... all I know of the song is the chorus. But I had the first line of the song stuck in my head... when it says "I am not skilled to understand what God has willed What God has planned..." Something like that.

Yep... *Looks up to God* I hear you.

But then I was about ready to look up the phone number to Pine Rest when God spoke again. But this time.. I heard him. Not like God speaking in my heart and hearing it in my head. I litterally heard a voice. I guess God thought I just wasn't getting it... He told me "Stacey you once said you'd wait forever. So then this happens and you give up..." *shudders at remembering* then he went on "You're not supposed to understand. You're just supposed to do as I say."

*Stacey's eyes grow double the size*

Now tell me that was NOT God. If it wasn't then someone REALLY wise was talking and trust me... it was NOT anyone I worked with that day... (No I was not at the station that day). hahaha

All I did was open my heart and let God guide me and he told me exactly what I needed to know.

One more thing before your eyes can re-adjust... when I spoke to my friend Hannah about this she told me something I think I should share with you... "God takes away something that means a lot to us to bring us back to him."

Just let that simmer.

- Stacey -

Jane Austen Couldn't Even Help...

Ok so I got some news that I should have been expecting for a while now. So yes there is something wrong with me. No I don’t want to talk about it. Just know that yes I dealing with things. So please don’t ask anything about it and don’t say “oh such and such will cheer you up” It’s not working… Reading a book by favorite author, Jane Austen… Listening to my favorite bands, Starfield, Family Force 5, Neverending White Lights…. Trying to write something… it’s just not working. So please let me have my time and I’ll get over it. I don’t need anyone worrying about me or the situation. I’ve already been a bother to two of my friends… I don’t want to add you to that list… they shouldn’t even be on the list. Thanks in advance.

The Silver Lining

listening to: Rascal Flatts "What Hurts The Most"
-----------
Out of the hardest times God comes shining his light.

I've had a horrible day that started out fantastic. In a nut shell... they call it a crush for a reason.

I spent most of the night in tears... feeling sorry for myself. I locked myself in my room with a bag of microwave popcorn, a mug of hot tea and Jane Austen (My favorite author in case you didn't know that). Then i got the urge to check on something. My eyes, my head and my heart I have come to find out are cahoots and are out to drive me insane. I wanted so badly to get the answers i was looking for that I actually thought I saw todays date when I was just seeing things.

So I called Natalie in tears. surprise surprise. I was about to give up ALL hope until I surfed over to one of my favorite websites. http://www.starfieldonline.com - Yeah I know eyes are rolling and some of you are making the 'throwing up' motions. But before you get too out of hand... There was a new video up. So I watched it and began to feel a little better... but still confused.

So then I checked to see if there was a new journal. Yep. And from Jon nonetheless. As I read something caught my eye. Jon has a girlfriend now. He is happy. Her name is Jesse. They've been together for 6 months now and he's taking her home to Winnepeg to meet his family.

I know I know... I'm supposed to be over that. And I am... to an extent. I think I will always have a bit of a crush on Jon. But my feelings have changed. And I mean that honestly. They changed a while ago. Suddenly I found myself feeling better. Like maybe God was telling me "Stacey. Jon was not the one I wanted for you. You know that now and I want you to focus on me and what I want for you. I want you hope for things. But you need to learn to trust me. When you master this I will reward you."

God has brought this "crush" into my life for a reason. I'm not saying he's 'the one'... though that would be SWEET! But this morning my friend, Hannah asked me if things don't work out with this guy I like would I go back to the way I felt for Jon. And I answered honestly. I told her that I think I will always have a thing for him but that once I start to fall I'll remember that I never had a chance and then he'll be pushed to the back of my mind again. I know.. it's happened. There are 2 other guys besides Jon in my past that I will never fully get over. But the more I thought about it. I noticed that when I liked let's call him "#1" (since they may read this since I'm still friends with the both of them) it was strong and... well... a childhood crush... then I met "#2" and "#1" became less desireable in my eyes though I never fully could let go.

Then Jon came along. I had nearly forgot about both of the other 2. But never fully. They were always there still... just waiting to resurface just long enough for me to remember why I had 'moved on'. Now... I have met this man. And almost instantly Jon joined the other guys in the dark corners of my mind. My head and my heart have been filled with nothing but images and dreams... hopes... hurt... since I met him.

Not even when "#2" just happened to 'pop up' out of the blue the other day did this man leave my mind. I'm not sure what God is asking of me. Why this man has come into my life. All I know... is he has. And he's worth the risk 1,000 times over.

You never know until you try. Right?

I think it's time...

Ok now I’m about to do something COMPLETELY out of character. But it’s gone one FAR too long and I’ve been ‘passive’ about it for longer than I should have. I guess I’m just not as strong as she is…

To the one person who insists that he has moved on and is showing no TRUE signs… YOU BROKE UP WITH HER! MOVE ON! Just let it go and quit blaming me for the way you treated her! I never once told her what she could and couldn’t do. I never once made her feel guilty for spending time with someone other than me. I never started fights with her because she wanted to do something with her life that didn’t involve me.

I want you to know that she is happier than I have EVER seen when she was with you. So leave us both alone. Now we both appreciate that you have been leaving her alone. But when she said “Me, My friends and My family… that included me nimrod!”

So the comment you posted the other day has been deleted because I prefer to never have any contact with you ever again. You not only treated her like she was nothing… but it was almost like you tried to convince her that all of her friends and family were the worlds worst… everything… So that YOU would look better in her eyes.

And the most important thing I need to say… I’ve been praying for you. Yes I said that right. So has she. The bible reads “You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

It’s in Matthew 5: 43 – 48. Look it up. Don’t preach what you don’t know. I may not be the best of Christians… but a struggling Christian… and an active one at that… is far better than one who you wouldn’t even know believes. I will continue to pray for you wether you like it or not... God said it. I beleive it. That settles it.

Humble Jobs

Today while at my 2nd job that I don’t really enjoy… It was brought to my attention why God put me there. I’m sure you by now are familiar with the saying “There’s a reason for everything.” Well there is. No the reason I have that job is not to pay the bills – though always a plus. It’s to make me humble. To remind me that not everyone loves what they do. I didn’t realize how ‘out of touch’ with myself and God I have become. Which in itself is crazy since at the radio station I literally work for the guy. It’s so easy to get ‘caught up’ in the smiles you can give others and miss the real reason they are smiling. I never thought I’d say it… Thank you, Lord… For this humbling job. And for slim jims when my keys get locked in my car – more on that later.

My Brithday...

Tonight was quite an interesting evening. I went out to dinner with my mom...

my sister & her husband...

And Natalie... OF COURSE....

We went to dinner at Shang Hai Ichiban. VERY good food! If you get the chance... go! You have the option of sitting in the chinese side or the japanese side... The japanese side is when you get the show of the Habatchi style. I even caught a piece of shrimp when the chef guy flung it at me... ok so he flung 2 and the first bounced off my nose and hit my right ear... but I caught the second!!! :)

We had a blast and a half as you can tell...

At one point during the night Natalie asked me if I got what I wanted for my brithday. Well.. in all honesty... yes and no.

I wanted to go to Ichiban... I did.

I wanted a certain cd... she looked into it already but the availability of it is slim to zip. Yeah it's REALLY hard to find.

The only other thing I wanted is something between myself and God. That's something only he can give.... I have not received it yet... But I'm praying for it. :)

Hey 2 out of 3... sort of... cause Nat couldn't get the cd... isn't bad right?

Anyway... I leave you with more pictures. :)



oh and no I don't drink... drinking is bad for you. That was like a juice I think. There was no carbonation or anything so it couldn't have been pop. It really honestly tasted like juice.

Sad Birthday...

ok so I know that today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year for me... but after the night I had last night... I think I need to blog about something a little sad...

I spent most of the night in tears alone. Natalie, Leslie & my mom were a huge help in calming me down and making me feel better. But all in all the feelings were still there. I just have to face the fact that sometimes you just have a bad day.

So on that note I thought I'd share the lyrics to a song I came across last night by one of my favorite bands, Nevertheless. (Yes they really spell it all smushed together like that) The song as sad as the first 3/4 of it are it really helped my mood. So I encourage you to listen to this song and/or re-read the lyrics when you have a night like I did. Check back later beacause if today is better than last night I will be sure to update.

Once again you compramised
There's no life in your hopeless eyes
But it's just like yesterday
If you listen to what they say

And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost
And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost

And you're tired of playing the fool
All your tears could form a pool
Of heartbreak and hopelessness
You heed this life, life over rest

And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost
And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost

Open your eyes dear friend
See that this is not the end
cause there's a man before you lived
With a love and power to forgive

- "Sincerely" by: Nevertheless -

Then Life Throws You A Curveball

So imagine this...

You meet someone... Someone you just can't get off your mind as much as you try. This person gives you hope that someone could really care about you as a man and a woman should. But then you get scared when you realize you just met this person.

You go out with your best friend just because you can and feel the need to stop off at Starbucks and just chat. As you leave you suddenly notice that you're getting 'looks' from 2 good looking people in a nice car.

You laugh with your best friend as you think about this person you just met. Then all of a sudden you notice who the 'looker' was. It was that person you've been crushing on for the past 13 years. What do you do?

What goes through your mind?

You walk over and introduce your best friend and your co-worker who just came out of one of the nearby shops. You 'catch up'. Then they say something along the lines of 'give me a call. We should get together.'

You give them a hug good-bye and walk back to your car dumbfounded. You can't beleive that after all these years they are FINALLY showing some interest.

You take the opportunity to have a chance with this person... or do you??? Is this a test? This is the point when you need to ask yourself what God is telling you. Then the person you just met and can't seem to forget about creeps back into your mind.

Now more dumbfounded then ever you ask your best friend. "I've liked this person for 13 years now. NOW they start to show interest... So why am I still thinking about the one I just met?"

What do you do?

better than just a friend...

A while ago Natalie and I had quite the falling out... as many of you know. All I have to say is that it had something to do with another one of my best friends, Corey & I... and a lot of rumors. I vowed I would never trust her again for the things she had said and the way she had betrayed me.

Then after some time something was brought to my attention... something I overlooked. Something I think subconciously I was ignoring. I was given a lot of false information. It turned out she was looking at it from the same perspective around the same time. We forgave each other but I could already tell that our friendship would always have this... hole... It would never be complete... never be the same as it was before.

I knew we would always be leerey with what we let each other know.

It just came to my attention that without that "falling out" we would have never become the friends we are today. That "hole" has been filled... with God. I was right on the aspect of our friendship would never be the same... we are BETTER friends. Our friendship isn't based on similarities or taste in guys... anyone who knows us knows how much we disagree on those things... it's not our style in clothes... she's punk... I'm... not. It's not about the secrets... Our lives are more along the lines of 'what you see is what you get'. In fact... if you ask us what we're laughing about... We'll tell you. We might feel like idiots when we do. But we're not afraid to talk.

Trust me... we talk... A LOT! We laugh... A LOT! So much so that we have to remind ourselves to stop. :)

Our friendship is based on our relationship with God. We are each other's support. We attend church together on a regular basis. We remind each other if one of us forgets to pray at each meal or even throughout the day during random moments. And when one of us is praying... the other sits quietly and just allows the other to have thier moment with God.

We cry together. When we freak out cause the phone FINALLY rang. We rejoice together. And I mean the high pitched squeals... lots of hugging... kind of rejoicing. We never let each other forget what God has brought into our lives. There's no room for negative thoughts or doubt in our friendship. We just wont allow it. We encourage each other's dreams. We even do what we can to help each other pursue those dreams. As long as we beleive it's what God wants we make sure it happens and puts a smile on each other's face... which in turns makes the other one smile.

We always make sure that God is a part of everything we do. And if we mess up and he's not... we make sure to pause and find out how to turn it around so he is.

In fact. I've had a rough past few days... So today before I head to the station to cover the front desk... Nat is taking me to Family Christian. Just becasue she knows putting me in that store uplifts my spirits.

But the one thing I love most about us... besides the "God bridges the gap" dealie is... that we can be idiots around each other and know that the other one isn't going to think we really are... in fact... they'll be one right back. We just know when we can be idiots and then when it's time to supportive and silent.

Thanks Nat for being there for me! I love you little one!

Oh.. and STOP CRYING!!! lol

- Stacey -

Decoding Easter

Decoding Easter.

That was the subject of our sermon today at the church Nat & I attend on a regular basis. It, however, felt odd being the first time in my entire life not attending the Easter service at the church I grew up in. I wish I had been able to see my family. But I got to see them yesterday. I do not regret going to my new church. I am so glad that I had one of my absolute best friends at my side.

The pastor said so many things that I could talk about the sermon forever. But you just may get your "Stacey's talking again" fill for the next 2 years in one shot.

So just know this...

he told us that faith is like a parachute. There is a difference between believing and being convinced. When you go sky diving you BELIEVE that your parachute will open... BUT you haven't jumped out of the plane yet.

He told us that we need to take Easter with us everyday. That we can't let Easter be a "calendar" holiday. That the Easter story is with us in moments of temptation... In deaths... In births... And beyond.

We were reminded today that Easter started long before Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected. Easter started with the beginning of time.

See there was a gentleman painting a beautiful landscape throughout the service. Then the pastor took handfuls of black paint and created a streak diagonally across the painting. But as the service went on the painting progressed.

God took the destruction of our "blackened hands" upon the Garden of Eden (the landscape painting) and created something beautiful. He created a path for us. A path back to him. Jesus and the cross each and every one of us crucified him upon. Just because we weren't alive at that time doesn't mean that we didn't have a hand in his crucifixion. Because each and every time we sin we crucify him one more time.

Jesus died to save us all from sin. Not just those that witnessed his death. Not just those that threw stones. Each sin is one more stone.

I leave you with one last thought... The one thing he said that stuck out to me the most was "Rescue always comes in packages we never expect." For Christianity it was the package in the form a baby"

What is that package for you? It might be a bass player... It maybe a child of your own turning 1 year old... It may be niece... Or it may be and opportunity to work side by side with someone during a lighting set up at a show for one of your favorite bands.

Until next time..