So what ya gonna, gonna do...

Listening to: Third Day "Cry Out To Jesus" (It's on WCSG right now)
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Ok so since my last blog A LOT has happened. I've been an emotional rollercoaster... VERY obvious to those whom... I'm sorry... have witnessed it and been on the "bad end" of it.

Sorry to you all. I know I haven't been the nicest or the happiest. I had a broken heart... but that's no excuse. But you'll all be happy to know that it's all been changed. Well... sort of... I no longer have a broken heart. But nor do I have my phone ringing off the hook or 100 e-mails to read each day simply because I was on his mind from the guy in my thoughts.

But I have recently come to understand that giving up hope is just not 'in the cards' for me as some people like to put it.

I was at work the other day when God began to talk to me. You know what I mean the kind of 'talking' when he just lets you know what you need to know by not using words. Well he did that. And let me tell you... when God has your undivided attention and has something to say... He can talk A LOT! and there was no mistaking that God was talking then.

I began to get sick to my stomach and since I was allowed to have a short break I went outside and began to pray. I didn't know what was going on and why God was telling me what he was... i just didn't understand. But then God spoke again. I suddenly got Aaron Shust "My Savior, My God" stuck in my head. But not all of it. In fact... all I know of the song is the chorus. But I had the first line of the song stuck in my head... when it says "I am not skilled to understand what God has willed What God has planned..." Something like that.

Yep... *Looks up to God* I hear you.

But then I was about ready to look up the phone number to Pine Rest when God spoke again. But this time.. I heard him. Not like God speaking in my heart and hearing it in my head. I litterally heard a voice. I guess God thought I just wasn't getting it... He told me "Stacey you once said you'd wait forever. So then this happens and you give up..." *shudders at remembering* then he went on "You're not supposed to understand. You're just supposed to do as I say."

*Stacey's eyes grow double the size*

Now tell me that was NOT God. If it wasn't then someone REALLY wise was talking and trust me... it was NOT anyone I worked with that day... (No I was not at the station that day). hahaha

All I did was open my heart and let God guide me and he told me exactly what I needed to know.

One more thing before your eyes can re-adjust... when I spoke to my friend Hannah about this she told me something I think I should share with you... "God takes away something that means a lot to us to bring us back to him."

Just let that simmer.

- Stacey -

Jane Austen Couldn't Even Help...

Ok so I got some news that I should have been expecting for a while now. So yes there is something wrong with me. No I don’t want to talk about it. Just know that yes I dealing with things. So please don’t ask anything about it and don’t say “oh such and such will cheer you up” It’s not working… Reading a book by favorite author, Jane Austen… Listening to my favorite bands, Starfield, Family Force 5, Neverending White Lights…. Trying to write something… it’s just not working. So please let me have my time and I’ll get over it. I don’t need anyone worrying about me or the situation. I’ve already been a bother to two of my friends… I don’t want to add you to that list… they shouldn’t even be on the list. Thanks in advance.

The Silver Lining

listening to: Rascal Flatts "What Hurts The Most"
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Out of the hardest times God comes shining his light.

I've had a horrible day that started out fantastic. In a nut shell... they call it a crush for a reason.

I spent most of the night in tears... feeling sorry for myself. I locked myself in my room with a bag of microwave popcorn, a mug of hot tea and Jane Austen (My favorite author in case you didn't know that). Then i got the urge to check on something. My eyes, my head and my heart I have come to find out are cahoots and are out to drive me insane. I wanted so badly to get the answers i was looking for that I actually thought I saw todays date when I was just seeing things.

So I called Natalie in tears. surprise surprise. I was about to give up ALL hope until I surfed over to one of my favorite websites. http://www.starfieldonline.com - Yeah I know eyes are rolling and some of you are making the 'throwing up' motions. But before you get too out of hand... There was a new video up. So I watched it and began to feel a little better... but still confused.

So then I checked to see if there was a new journal. Yep. And from Jon nonetheless. As I read something caught my eye. Jon has a girlfriend now. He is happy. Her name is Jesse. They've been together for 6 months now and he's taking her home to Winnepeg to meet his family.

I know I know... I'm supposed to be over that. And I am... to an extent. I think I will always have a bit of a crush on Jon. But my feelings have changed. And I mean that honestly. They changed a while ago. Suddenly I found myself feeling better. Like maybe God was telling me "Stacey. Jon was not the one I wanted for you. You know that now and I want you to focus on me and what I want for you. I want you hope for things. But you need to learn to trust me. When you master this I will reward you."

God has brought this "crush" into my life for a reason. I'm not saying he's 'the one'... though that would be SWEET! But this morning my friend, Hannah asked me if things don't work out with this guy I like would I go back to the way I felt for Jon. And I answered honestly. I told her that I think I will always have a thing for him but that once I start to fall I'll remember that I never had a chance and then he'll be pushed to the back of my mind again. I know.. it's happened. There are 2 other guys besides Jon in my past that I will never fully get over. But the more I thought about it. I noticed that when I liked let's call him "#1" (since they may read this since I'm still friends with the both of them) it was strong and... well... a childhood crush... then I met "#2" and "#1" became less desireable in my eyes though I never fully could let go.

Then Jon came along. I had nearly forgot about both of the other 2. But never fully. They were always there still... just waiting to resurface just long enough for me to remember why I had 'moved on'. Now... I have met this man. And almost instantly Jon joined the other guys in the dark corners of my mind. My head and my heart have been filled with nothing but images and dreams... hopes... hurt... since I met him.

Not even when "#2" just happened to 'pop up' out of the blue the other day did this man leave my mind. I'm not sure what God is asking of me. Why this man has come into my life. All I know... is he has. And he's worth the risk 1,000 times over.

You never know until you try. Right?

I think it's time...

Ok now I’m about to do something COMPLETELY out of character. But it’s gone one FAR too long and I’ve been ‘passive’ about it for longer than I should have. I guess I’m just not as strong as she is…

To the one person who insists that he has moved on and is showing no TRUE signs… YOU BROKE UP WITH HER! MOVE ON! Just let it go and quit blaming me for the way you treated her! I never once told her what she could and couldn’t do. I never once made her feel guilty for spending time with someone other than me. I never started fights with her because she wanted to do something with her life that didn’t involve me.

I want you to know that she is happier than I have EVER seen when she was with you. So leave us both alone. Now we both appreciate that you have been leaving her alone. But when she said “Me, My friends and My family… that included me nimrod!”

So the comment you posted the other day has been deleted because I prefer to never have any contact with you ever again. You not only treated her like she was nothing… but it was almost like you tried to convince her that all of her friends and family were the worlds worst… everything… So that YOU would look better in her eyes.

And the most important thing I need to say… I’ve been praying for you. Yes I said that right. So has she. The bible reads “You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

It’s in Matthew 5: 43 – 48. Look it up. Don’t preach what you don’t know. I may not be the best of Christians… but a struggling Christian… and an active one at that… is far better than one who you wouldn’t even know believes. I will continue to pray for you wether you like it or not... God said it. I beleive it. That settles it.

Humble Jobs

Today while at my 2nd job that I don’t really enjoy… It was brought to my attention why God put me there. I’m sure you by now are familiar with the saying “There’s a reason for everything.” Well there is. No the reason I have that job is not to pay the bills – though always a plus. It’s to make me humble. To remind me that not everyone loves what they do. I didn’t realize how ‘out of touch’ with myself and God I have become. Which in itself is crazy since at the radio station I literally work for the guy. It’s so easy to get ‘caught up’ in the smiles you can give others and miss the real reason they are smiling. I never thought I’d say it… Thank you, Lord… For this humbling job. And for slim jims when my keys get locked in my car – more on that later.

My Brithday...

Tonight was quite an interesting evening. I went out to dinner with my mom...

my sister & her husband...

And Natalie... OF COURSE....

We went to dinner at Shang Hai Ichiban. VERY good food! If you get the chance... go! You have the option of sitting in the chinese side or the japanese side... The japanese side is when you get the show of the Habatchi style. I even caught a piece of shrimp when the chef guy flung it at me... ok so he flung 2 and the first bounced off my nose and hit my right ear... but I caught the second!!! :)

We had a blast and a half as you can tell...

At one point during the night Natalie asked me if I got what I wanted for my brithday. Well.. in all honesty... yes and no.

I wanted to go to Ichiban... I did.

I wanted a certain cd... she looked into it already but the availability of it is slim to zip. Yeah it's REALLY hard to find.

The only other thing I wanted is something between myself and God. That's something only he can give.... I have not received it yet... But I'm praying for it. :)

Hey 2 out of 3... sort of... cause Nat couldn't get the cd... isn't bad right?

Anyway... I leave you with more pictures. :)



oh and no I don't drink... drinking is bad for you. That was like a juice I think. There was no carbonation or anything so it couldn't have been pop. It really honestly tasted like juice.

Sad Birthday...

ok so I know that today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year for me... but after the night I had last night... I think I need to blog about something a little sad...

I spent most of the night in tears alone. Natalie, Leslie & my mom were a huge help in calming me down and making me feel better. But all in all the feelings were still there. I just have to face the fact that sometimes you just have a bad day.

So on that note I thought I'd share the lyrics to a song I came across last night by one of my favorite bands, Nevertheless. (Yes they really spell it all smushed together like that) The song as sad as the first 3/4 of it are it really helped my mood. So I encourage you to listen to this song and/or re-read the lyrics when you have a night like I did. Check back later beacause if today is better than last night I will be sure to update.

Once again you compramised
There's no life in your hopeless eyes
But it's just like yesterday
If you listen to what they say

And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost
And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost

And you're tired of playing the fool
All your tears could form a pool
Of heartbreak and hopelessness
You heed this life, life over rest

And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost
And you feel hopeless
And you feel lost

Open your eyes dear friend
See that this is not the end
cause there's a man before you lived
With a love and power to forgive

- "Sincerely" by: Nevertheless -

Then Life Throws You A Curveball

So imagine this...

You meet someone... Someone you just can't get off your mind as much as you try. This person gives you hope that someone could really care about you as a man and a woman should. But then you get scared when you realize you just met this person.

You go out with your best friend just because you can and feel the need to stop off at Starbucks and just chat. As you leave you suddenly notice that you're getting 'looks' from 2 good looking people in a nice car.

You laugh with your best friend as you think about this person you just met. Then all of a sudden you notice who the 'looker' was. It was that person you've been crushing on for the past 13 years. What do you do?

What goes through your mind?

You walk over and introduce your best friend and your co-worker who just came out of one of the nearby shops. You 'catch up'. Then they say something along the lines of 'give me a call. We should get together.'

You give them a hug good-bye and walk back to your car dumbfounded. You can't beleive that after all these years they are FINALLY showing some interest.

You take the opportunity to have a chance with this person... or do you??? Is this a test? This is the point when you need to ask yourself what God is telling you. Then the person you just met and can't seem to forget about creeps back into your mind.

Now more dumbfounded then ever you ask your best friend. "I've liked this person for 13 years now. NOW they start to show interest... So why am I still thinking about the one I just met?"

What do you do?

better than just a friend...

A while ago Natalie and I had quite the falling out... as many of you know. All I have to say is that it had something to do with another one of my best friends, Corey & I... and a lot of rumors. I vowed I would never trust her again for the things she had said and the way she had betrayed me.

Then after some time something was brought to my attention... something I overlooked. Something I think subconciously I was ignoring. I was given a lot of false information. It turned out she was looking at it from the same perspective around the same time. We forgave each other but I could already tell that our friendship would always have this... hole... It would never be complete... never be the same as it was before.

I knew we would always be leerey with what we let each other know.

It just came to my attention that without that "falling out" we would have never become the friends we are today. That "hole" has been filled... with God. I was right on the aspect of our friendship would never be the same... we are BETTER friends. Our friendship isn't based on similarities or taste in guys... anyone who knows us knows how much we disagree on those things... it's not our style in clothes... she's punk... I'm... not. It's not about the secrets... Our lives are more along the lines of 'what you see is what you get'. In fact... if you ask us what we're laughing about... We'll tell you. We might feel like idiots when we do. But we're not afraid to talk.

Trust me... we talk... A LOT! We laugh... A LOT! So much so that we have to remind ourselves to stop. :)

Our friendship is based on our relationship with God. We are each other's support. We attend church together on a regular basis. We remind each other if one of us forgets to pray at each meal or even throughout the day during random moments. And when one of us is praying... the other sits quietly and just allows the other to have thier moment with God.

We cry together. When we freak out cause the phone FINALLY rang. We rejoice together. And I mean the high pitched squeals... lots of hugging... kind of rejoicing. We never let each other forget what God has brought into our lives. There's no room for negative thoughts or doubt in our friendship. We just wont allow it. We encourage each other's dreams. We even do what we can to help each other pursue those dreams. As long as we beleive it's what God wants we make sure it happens and puts a smile on each other's face... which in turns makes the other one smile.

We always make sure that God is a part of everything we do. And if we mess up and he's not... we make sure to pause and find out how to turn it around so he is.

In fact. I've had a rough past few days... So today before I head to the station to cover the front desk... Nat is taking me to Family Christian. Just becasue she knows putting me in that store uplifts my spirits.

But the one thing I love most about us... besides the "God bridges the gap" dealie is... that we can be idiots around each other and know that the other one isn't going to think we really are... in fact... they'll be one right back. We just know when we can be idiots and then when it's time to supportive and silent.

Thanks Nat for being there for me! I love you little one!

Oh.. and STOP CRYING!!! lol

- Stacey -

Decoding Easter

Decoding Easter.

That was the subject of our sermon today at the church Nat & I attend on a regular basis. It, however, felt odd being the first time in my entire life not attending the Easter service at the church I grew up in. I wish I had been able to see my family. But I got to see them yesterday. I do not regret going to my new church. I am so glad that I had one of my absolute best friends at my side.

The pastor said so many things that I could talk about the sermon forever. But you just may get your "Stacey's talking again" fill for the next 2 years in one shot.

So just know this...

he told us that faith is like a parachute. There is a difference between believing and being convinced. When you go sky diving you BELIEVE that your parachute will open... BUT you haven't jumped out of the plane yet.

He told us that we need to take Easter with us everyday. That we can't let Easter be a "calendar" holiday. That the Easter story is with us in moments of temptation... In deaths... In births... And beyond.

We were reminded today that Easter started long before Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected. Easter started with the beginning of time.

See there was a gentleman painting a beautiful landscape throughout the service. Then the pastor took handfuls of black paint and created a streak diagonally across the painting. But as the service went on the painting progressed.

God took the destruction of our "blackened hands" upon the Garden of Eden (the landscape painting) and created something beautiful. He created a path for us. A path back to him. Jesus and the cross each and every one of us crucified him upon. Just because we weren't alive at that time doesn't mean that we didn't have a hand in his crucifixion. Because each and every time we sin we crucify him one more time.

Jesus died to save us all from sin. Not just those that witnessed his death. Not just those that threw stones. Each sin is one more stone.

I leave you with one last thought... The one thing he said that stuck out to me the most was "Rescue always comes in packages we never expect." For Christianity it was the package in the form a baby"

What is that package for you? It might be a bass player... It maybe a child of your own turning 1 year old... It may be niece... Or it may be and opportunity to work side by side with someone during a lighting set up at a show for one of your favorite bands.

Until next time..

And God said... Stacey I love you!

So much has happened to me in the past 48 hours that I can't put it all in one blog.

There just isn't enough time... and you'd probably get tired of reading... So I thought about summing it all up or posting it across a few days in a few different blogs...

I didn't like either...

Just know that all is well. I am no longer taking care of 'minor details' that people ask me about on a daily basis... and right at this moment. My stomach is in knots and I'm shaking.

No not because Nick & Travis made me do hard labor and lift heavy lights... It's a whole nother issue.

If I haven't lost you yet... YOU'VE GOT MAIL!

- Stacey -

answered prayers

Yes I said it... answered prayers. Last night God answered MANY of my prayers. Last night it became very apparent to my last night that I'm not truly happy. It honestly feel like Natalie all over again... only with me!

Nat, Leslie & I worked the road crew last night for the latest Kutless tour. Now don't ask me the name of the tour... I don't like Kutless so I honestly can't tell ya. But we had a blast and a half as you can tell.... We met a lot of really great people... 3 in particular... Nick, Travis & Chad. Chad worked the monitor board while Travis & Nick held down the lighting. We (the girls and I) worked side by side with Travis & Nick... I'd say... 70% of the night. The rest was us doing set changes and watching some of the show.

But anyway... yeah we had a lot of fun. All 3 guys kept joking around on us. Travis I think liked picking on us the most! hahaha He kept telling us we were "going to slow" or "hey what are you doing? That doesn't go there!" And then Chad told me as we were unloading the equipment from the truck that he was gonna stuff me in one of the drape bags and take me with them! hahaha

Nick was the most funny like when it came directed towards me. The girls... and the other girls we met were folding up the drapes to get them ready for thier "dramtic fall" and were laughing cause I wasn't strong enough cause one weight a whole lot more than me and I could hardly move it. So Nick came around the corner and goes "I hear a whole lot of laughing and not a whole lot of working!" and then just prior to the that as we were pulling out the drapes to fold them I was laughing about Chad's "take me with them" comment and Nick said something like "Yeah until you started talking"

All of the girls and Nick started laughing. I acted like I was pouting and stuff. But it was really funny. I told him I was gonna blog about it so I'd never forget it. I DID NICK! hahahaha

So yeah I'm trying to keep it short. I just wanted you to know how much fun we had and show some pics. Nat took more pics. We're just waiting for them to be developed. I LOVE MY DIGITAL!

Life... Death... And God's plan...

listening to : "The Grace" by: Neverendig White Lights
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Being so happy for someone can do two things to a heart... It can build up excitement of what might happen to you... Or it can break it in a million tiny sharp edged pieces....

I'm in the midst of both. I'm ecstatic for Natalie. I am. I see how happy she is and how happy I could be... Which of course makes me feel horrible because I have to decide how to make myself as happy as she is. But on the other hand it gets me all giddy knowing that she wants the same for me and would go out of her way to make sure I am. It's nothing against her... It's just this heart of mine.... It can't agree with my head half of the time. And when I think they do agree... Something happens and all I want to do is scream... Hide in my room and cry.

This stinks! But I can't really say that this is a horrible day... Natalie got some good news... And then from the same person... So did I.... At least I think it was good... I hope it was good... Just recently sat down with Nat and we really tried to just listen to God. I play this game sometimes where I open the bible and say a verse number... I just like to see what God is saying right at that moment. Well last night Nat joined in on the 'fun.'

A few verses spoke to us and others meant absolutely no sense when you just read the one verse by it's self. So we'd laugh and try again.

Well tonight I just got the urge to try once more...

Psalm 143:8 reads:

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I life up my soul."

Yep. Pretty powerful when you're trying to figure out what God has in store for you... You know so you don't mess up and take the wrong path.

But then it got me thinking... My mom said once "God let's you make your mistakes and keeps opening up a new path branched off of that mistake. He keeps holding out hope that one day you'll see that path and realize you should have been on that one all along."

I don't think she realizes just how much some of the things she says really stick with me. Like when Matt died... She told me "God loves us all very much and some of us he just can't take being apart from anymore. Matt was one of those people." Yeah... I was 12 years old. So to hear something like that... That's something I could have taken one of two ways... I could have thought "Well at least I know he's with God." Or I could have gone the other way and thought "Well then why am I still here? Doesn't God love me too?"

It's not that God doesn't love us... It's just that God isn't finished with us yet. Matt completed what God sent him to do. And I honestly believe that I was part of that. I know I wouldn't be the Christian I am today if I had never known Matt. Matt opened a lot of doors to me. He opened my eyes.... And my heart... Just by being my friend.

In times like this... When I am having a hard time coming to reality that this may be what God wants... I remember Matt and what my mom told me.

Matt was just on loan out... He was and always will be my guardian Angel.

I miss you Matt and I need your help.

- Stacey -

Taking a risk...

Well as of 8:28 pm I have not told Jon anything. However, earlier Natalie and I made a deal. She is trying to help me to be more of a 'risk taker' and she sat with me while I wrote out my first draft of what I want to say.

It was truly heart felt and competely honest. This is just another step in the direction of becoming the type of person who does take risks. As I write this I am starting to 'cool down.' My heart is racing. And for the first time I am litterally warm. Me. Yeah. Crazy I know.

But I pray that with a little encouragement (not that I need anymore) and God's loving hand... that I may have enough courage to follow through with this. I'm really scared. I'm not used to taking chances. I'm not used to 'putting myself out there.' Taking risks has never been a part of who I am. Playing in mud... running around in the rain... getting dirt under my nails (even though it gets dug out quickly afterwards) sure... but never anything like this. That's nothing. I grew up a tomboy. I didn't grow up to be like my mom.

Mom isn't someone who's afraid of a lot of things. I'm emotional... I hate that about myself. But I have learned that will never change. But I'm taking baby steps. This is just one more.

Thank you for all of your support. I want so bad to take this chance. I want to not be afraid anymore.

- Stacey -

Perfection - Not My Thing

I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. I've done things in my past. Bad things. Things that I wish to not talk about. Things I can't take back. But I can learn from them. I can face them. I can grow from them. And best of all... I can help other's learn from them.

One thing is that today I bought a ring. I know big deal. But it's what the ring represents. Inscribed on the ring are the words "True Love Waits." Yep it's one of 'those' rings. I've wanted a "True Love Waits" ring for quite some time. So from today at this exact moment until the day I wed. I will wear this ring on my ring finger on my left hand.

I haven't realized how the choices I've made have made me fall away from God. At this moment I have decided that I need to rededicate my life to him. I need to get rid of those distractions. I need to focus on the one thing that matters most... God.

It has become abundantly apparent to me by a certain family (you know who you are) that I am a role model - especially to one certain girl. She looks up to me so much that she even wants to take my job from me. :) I must have trained you well young one. ;) hahaha

I don't want her to make the same mistakes. I don't want Kendra, Emmalee, Joslynn or anyone else for that matter to make those same mistakes.

That's why I am writing this. To come clean with my past and to let them know I'm not perfect. I don't want to be false and tell you that you should live a certain way & to live your life for God, when I can't even do it myself. So for you, for God, for myself, I am taking a stand and changing those things about myself. From this moment on I will try to be the role model you see me as.

And with that... I am also making strides toward telling... *takes a deep breath out of fear* JON NEUFELD... *sighs knowing that just saying his name was a HUGE step since he might read this one day*. There. I said his name. No longer will Jon be "him" in my blog. No longer will he remain nameless. Because Jon is somebody. He's that 'Somebody' that all of my friends know I have feelings for. He's that 'Somebody' that I get nervous when I see I get an e-mail from or look into his eyes.

And too all of you who are saying something along the lines of "FINALLY!" - You have Hannah, Natalie & Caleb to thank for that one.

OH! One more thing... I've decided to start adding the country to pray for courtesy of Mission Network News... today oddly enough is El Salvador. If you HONESTLY care to know why this freaks me out... contact me. If not... you probably would get bored or roll your eyes anyway. hahaha But seriously please pray for El Salvador today until the 8th.

- Stacey -

dreams....

So last night I had a dream about the infamous "him." I don't remember the dream. All I can remember is that Natalie and her "him" were there. I don't remember what they were doing or anything. But that they were there. I remember that "He" was defending me. We were in the hallway in a building... could have been a school, house, church... but I was cowering behind him as he stood up to this person or thing.. not sure what 'it' was. I remember feeling more afraid of what this 'thing' would do to him than to myself.

I talked to Nat about this dream and her reply... "maybe it was him defending you from the devil or something.and it's a sign that he'll save you from something" Only she used his real name of course.

Now I know most of you know EXACTLY who I am talking about. But I fear that one day 'he' will happen upon this blog... this post... and be afraid of me. I am going to tell him how I feel. I'm just not sure of how or when... I need God's help with it.

And yes I know about the minor technicalities at hand... but I'm working on those as well. All I can do right now is pray.

- Stacey -

God Speaks

Ok so today at church the pastor was talking about "Monsters." No I don't mean the like "Oh I'm scared of that noise in the closet" kind of Monster. I mean the "I'm afraid of the what if" kind of Monster. So it got me thinking. Why am I so afraid? He said "Fears are broken truths from a broken world." Why am I so afraid to open up? Why can't I just say what I feel?

Because I'm too afraid to open up where it really matters I thought maybe I should make baby steps and start out by saying some of that here. So here goes....

I am so afraid to actually follow through on the advice I give others on a daily basis. I'm afraid to open up and tell "him" I like him. I'm afraid to take a chance. I'm afraid of what might happen, what he might say, how he might react.

Forget snakes, spiders, & clowns... I am so afraid of him in general. Since I met him all I've been thinking is "what if." "What if he rejects me?" "What if I get let down?" "What if he doesn't even really notice me?"

But then I thought... why do I have these thoughts? Why is he on my mind? I have a boyfriend. One who loves me. Luke 1:37 states "For nothing is impossible with God." If the bible says it. And I truly beleive... why can't I trust God to take me through this and guide me on the right path?

Then the pastor said a couple things that truly hit home. He asked the congregation "Are you going to be able to your storms how big God is and not how big your storms are?" "What is the monster in your life these days? What are you afraid of popping up and attacking you?" "Imagine your worst fears coming true and what they would do to your life."

He is my fear. My one true... honest... Monster in my closet... stomach turning... heat pounding... i'm gonna be sick... fear.

Alright. I'm done. I promise.

- Stacey -

Last Night.

Ok if you don't understand what I'm saying it's cause I'm REALLY tired! Last night was the Superchic[k], KJ-52, Eleventy Seven & Seventh Day Slumber show at the Ground Floor the evening was a riot and a half as you can tell...

As you can tell... Yep! FUUUUUUN Night! With a little help from my new friends, Eleventy Seven (Jonathan attacking me & laughing, Matt doing a funny face, and Caleb rubbing my head) and all of the wonderful WaYfm listeners that came out to the show!

This was by far one of the best shows I've ever been to! If you were there I hope you had even a portion of the fun I had! Allswell in the land of FAKE beleive! hahahaha SAVE THE UNICORNS! If you want to understand what I just said... go to http://www.eleventysevenrock.com

I'm going back to bed

- Stacey -

The new edition

She's here! My beautifule niece #3, Joslynn Rose was born at like 6:30 this evening. she weighed 7 lbs 3 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. We're all so happy she's finally here! Kendra & Emmalee may be more excited then anyone... mainly because Kendra has 2 sisters now and Emmalee is now a big sister. :) I love those girls! Anyway... here she is... isn't she a doll???

Family Force 5

Ok so the Family Force 5 cd, "Business Up Front Party In The Back" came out yesterday. This cd is a MUST HAVE! I am really impressed with it. But then again that doesn't surprise me. Anyway. The track "Replace Me" that we play on WaYfm... the cd version is better... you can't really tell the difference until the 1 for body 2 for the soul part. But yep... Pick it up!

- k- bye

- Stacey -

Talk about INSANE!

Ok honestly! Why do guys feel the need to make girls wait? Be it waiting for a guy to pick a girl up for a date... the guy to grow up... or for the guy to just finally admit that he likes her even though everyone around him has known it for a while!

Yes all of the above are true! I can think of 3 girls & 4 guys off the top of my head as I write this. This is just crazy. I know girls play games and girls can take a while to get ready for things and the list goes on. But when a guy says he's on his way to pick you up, he lives 3 minutes away and 2 1/2 hours later he pulls up... THAT'S JUST INSANE!!!

The guy that takes forever to grow up usually makes every thing out to be "her" fault. That in itself is stupid. YOU SCREWED UP OWN UP TO IT!

As for that other "I like her... no I don't"... Just admit it already! You're driving us all crazy!

The girls know who they are so I'm not about to name names and point fingers at them cause it's not their fault this happens. And ok so know these guys aren't gonna be like "oh hey! I think I'm gonna read Stacey's blog today. (or ever)" and then on top of it realize I mean them. So I'm holding out hope. But come on! I think all of us girls know guys like this... I think the guys reading this can admit that they even know guys like this.

So honestly? What's the point?

Ok done ranting now.

- Stacey -

St Pats & Drama, Drama, Drama...

well cause everyone is gonna say it anyway... HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! I love being Irish!

moving on...

ok well Natalie came over last Wednesday night. We had a blast just listening to music & watching my 2003 See Spot Rock DVD. We haven't watched that in a while. Not to mention since we watched it last she's developed quite the crush on John Reuben. She's so funny. But yeah. We set up a myspace for her and she was having a blast and a half doing that. She's an addict now. hahaha

Last night was Father Daughter Banquet Night 1 of 2. It was a super busy day. I had to check in radios that morning. Then I had to go pick up the boutonnieres for the WCSG guys. Then I had to wash the WCSG vehicle inside & out. THEN I had to go pick up our 'entertainment', Scott Krippayne. Who by the way is super nice. :)

So then when we (Scott & I) got to the banquet I helped Lee set up Scott's merch table. Then checked all the tables for pens & a center piece. Then Hannah asked me to take pictures of the banquet. THEN I went back to help Lee sell Scott's merch. Then there was the merch tear down and then I took Scott back to his hotel and went home.... AND CRASHED!

I just feel bad for Patty & Hannah. Those poor people haven't had sleep in I think it's safe to say weeks. Not to mention Tommy & Brooke. They do the WCSG morning show. So they were up early to do that then had stuff all day long to do and then had to MC the show. But they looked handled it well. It could be worse for me... I could have had any one of those 4 peoples day... Yeah I can't really complain.

Well. I'm awake. It's St. Pat's Day (I LOVE BEING IRISH!) and it's time to get my day started so I can go in early to fight my way into a production studio to voice track my shows before I have to leave to pick up Scott for Father Daughter Banquet Night 2. :)

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!!

- Stacey -

Everyday randomness

So tell me... What do you do when a good friend (of the opposite sex who has told you he has a thing for you) calls you at 3:30am (probably drunk) and tells you that you're the loneliest person in a relationship he's ever met????

Hypothetically speaking of course.

oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday Corey!

Your mission...

dun dun dun

you mission should you choose to take it...

*dramatic pause*

go to http://www.myspace.com/starfield and listen to a really good song by a great band.

Listen to the first single "My Generation" form the new cd "Beauty In The Broken" set it hit stores (after many pushed back street dates) May 16, 2006. :)

Give it a listen and be sure to let me know what you think!

- Stacey -

Bambi and the Wizard

It's the new sci-fi Disney movie about a budding wizard, Harry Potter, who realizes he's really a dear that's trying to protect all the creatures in his forest while learning he has a crush on, Hermione Granger, the cute light colored fawn across the path. But alas... she's smarter than him and will not admit she's in love with Ron Weasley, who just happens to be Harry & Hermione's other best friend. *sigh*

Nah I'm just kidding. But I'm all geeked cause the latest Harry Potter movie comes out today. I haven't hung out with Corey in quite a while. He was waiting to watch HP4 in the theatres till I could go with him... We never did. So we are all excited cause he's on spring break and so we're gonna hang out tonight and have a movie night. We're gonna watch HP4 and some movie he likes that comes out today about a creepy fish looking walking castle. It's anime. I don't know. I'm still learning the whole anime scene. But it's his thing.

This feels weird. I'm covering the front desk at the station this morning. I don't know it just feels weird. Oops! Phone's ringing... hang on... nope... under writing got it.... never you mind.

OH! Bambi! Yeah! So I was driving into work an hour earlier than I usually do. Almost to Rockford High School on Northland Drive like 50 deer ran across the road. Ok so it was like 10 but it would have been a hunter's dream if it was deer season. But then some 18 year old looking dork sped past myself and the car next to me that slowed down and were warning the people behind us with out breaks.

Yeah... that's all for now. But I can not promise there will not be more later. muwahhahaha -k- bye.

Pride & Prejudice

Every so often I get in these moods. Like I’m not “complete.” I get so focused on what God wants in one part of my life that I end up ignoring what he wants in other parts of my life. As much as I try to listen to that… I just never seem to grasp it. So then I end up literally locking myself away praying that maybe shutting myself out from as much ‘distractions’ as possible… then maybe just maybe it’ll become more clear. It never does. If anything it gets more complicated. It usually ends up being one certain part of my future that I get so mixed up on. But it doesn’t help when I have mom freaking out or breathing down my neck about making up my mind.

It’s just not that easy!

I just prefer to be alone at times like this. Is that so much to ask for? Aparently for my mom it is. And I’m not kidding. She literally JUST came in my room as I finished that sentence. It’s time to start looking for roommates again.

Last night my back started to bother me and Lee took notice. He said that he could tell exactly where it hurt me cause one side of my back was hard as a rock and the other wasn’t. Only thing about that is that the left half of my lower back always sticks where as my right lower back doesn’t. But it occurred to me that when only a part of my back hurts it’s generally my lower left back. Interesting.

And then I started thinking… My back didn’t bother me hardly at all when I was at school. Hmm… maybe it’s mom. I wonder cause last night I told her I’m taking it easy today cause of the pain I was earlier in the evening. She was totally fine with it. She lied. This morning she started getting mad at me cause I wanted to relax and watch a movie or read a book when she wanted to clean.

Yep she threw a fit like a 4 year old who was told they can’t have candy.

So I cleaned and within 10 minutes… My back started hurting. She doesn’t have any idea cause she was in the other room. But I did it to shut her up. I told her that she’d be like “we’re only gonna run the sweeper and dust. And then once that’s done she’s want to clean something else.” She got mad at me for that too and said she would not say anything of the sort. Well post dusting & running of the sweeper… she wanted to clean more!

I KNEW IT!

And since every time I’ve tried to give myself 5 minutes of “Stacey time” to be alone to sort out my life, have time with God, and rest my back… she’s coming in my room saying “are you gonna do this?” or “I wanna do this today.” Which of course means I want you to do this or I’m gonna lay a guilt trip on you till you do” & “I’m going to make sure I’m the center of your attention all day and you’re not going to like it.”

UGH! I can’t take it anymore! I’m never going to get to rest and figure out what God wants as long as I’m living here. Anyone looking for a roommate?

An eventful day...

So ok yesterday was quite an interesting day. I went into work a few hours later than I'm used to. So I went inside to deliver the UPS packages that usually come to my office when WHAM! I fell. Yep I fell. My foot slipped out from underneath me and I bruised my tail bone. Not to mention my butt was wet. Luckily I had black pants on so it wasn't so noticeable. Faith and Ruth heard it. Luckily no one saw it... At least that I know of.

So then the job shadow I've been so geeked about came in and we had a blast and a half. It was a good experience for both of us. Her name is Megan and much to my surprise we had more in common than I was prepared for. Turns out one of my good friends, Andy is the lead singer of one her favorite bands, The Emberlight. She nearly started freaking out. It was just adorable beyond words. THEN she spent 2 hours on The Emberlight's website. What she was looking at for two hours I'm still trying to figure out! hahahaha

But then later on that night I went on the air for the first time ever... Live! As you know it's been WaYfm's Sharathon week and I was scheduled to be a reporter from phone central 6 -7 pm. I was so nervous and I think everyone there knew it. But God loves me and the hosts during that time were Joe & Andy (story about Andy at a later time) who I know better than some other people at the station so I could interact with them a lot easier. In fact one of the first things Joe said when it was my turn to talk was along the lines of "And a very nervous Stacey is in phone central..."

Thanks Joe! As I told him last night. It helped me get past that first break a lot easier because it got me talking and not so focused on what I needed to say.

So yeah it was an overall good night when you take out the bruised tail bone, wet butt and my smashing my left knee into my bed frame.

- Stacey -

Busy Little Bug

So of course the day I get back from the family stuff happens to be like one of the bussiest days for me... well ok it's no Christmas rush... but yeah... So tomorrow the WaYfm Sharathon '06 comes to GR. I'm getting more and more nervous as it approaches. I'm supposed to be board opping 6 - 7 pm tomorrow and reporting from phone central 7 - 8 pm (tomorrow) & 7 - 8 am on Friday.

I'm SUPER nervous. I mean I've been on air... OBVIOUSLY... but never live. I hope I don't make the station look bad.

So yeah I've been running around here like a crazy person (yes I know I am one) and I think I've nearly run over just about everyone here. So all you people are over in Kzoo today are super lucky. But I've gotten a lot done. So that's nice. Unfortunatly there's still a lot to be done though. I think Mike is getting sick of my calling the Kzoo studio to ask him something. But hey I need to get answers right?

But hey on a off the wall side note... today was the first time I've ever tried a Mardi Gras King Cake! Lee got one for all of us to try and have a bit of fun with. It's not a cake at all... It's a big cinnamon roll shaped like a long - thin donut. hahaha I didn't get the plastic baby. But oh well. Another time.

OH! and a fun little update on what's been going on with my and my walk with God...

My mom and I are teaming up to do our part with volenteering for what we can and over the weekend we took it upon ourselves to team up and try to help raise money for homeless. We attended a benefit called the "Walk for Warmth" where we were given a senario and then had tasks to do. We had to go to a bunch of little "stations" and either get or give money (it was all play money - but still it was fun). I had never even heard about it until that day. But we had a lot of fun... and froze. But still... So yeah... Thanks to my friend, Andy who was also there. We both thought we wouldn't know anyone. So it was nice to be wrong. :)

Smile. You're beautiful. God loves you!
- Stacey -

Disappointed

Maybe I'm being a baby but the fact that Shane is backing out of going to my grandma's funeral is really disappointing me. I understand that he doesn't like funerals since the last one he went to was his mom's and he buried BOTH parents before he turned 24. That and he doesn't know anyone in my family.

It just disappoints me because he didn't want to go to the hospital with me. Then he didn't want to go to visitation... But he would go to the funeral. So at first I got mad over that but then thought at least he was willing to go to something. The effort was there and I knew it would be hard for him.

But last night he backed out on the funeral because he "needs to get his car fixed" HE'S USING MINE RIGHT NOW! Why? Because I didn't want him to feel like he had to ask for a ride or walk to work. Michigan is cold! So he "has to work out the car situation" and he doesn't know anyone. In a nut shell he just plain and simple doesn't want to go. I'm hurt.

I don't know his family that well... In fact I didn't know his family at all but I was willing to come home from Ohio (even if that meant walking cause I didn't have my car with me at the time) to go to his mom's funeral cause he was my best friend.

Yeah I know there's a difference between a mom and a step-grandma that you weren't extremely close to. But like Natalie and I both agree I could be just SAYING that I'm ok and inside be a mess.

Not to mention Shane was around during the whole fiasco with my last boyfriend who only some of my family met and the rest joke about him not existing because he always tried to get out of meeting them... AND DID!

Shane knows how much that killed me every time I had to make and excuse as to why Jerry wasn't there... He wanted to hit him every time it happened... So why does he insist on doing the exact same thing?

And no this is not the first time this has happened. He's "not wanted to go" to birthday dinners and other family get together things... And I went to like ALL of his that I could.

UGH! I need to shut up now before I start crying again!

- Me -

I got tagged...

Thanks to Ryan I have to fill this out... This ought to be interesting since I don't have a very exciting life. I basically come to work, do my thing, go home, and burry myself in a book or work while playing music. hahaha I have no life outside of work... ok here goes...

Four jobs I’ve had:

• Cornerstone (His Kids Radio): Ministry Service Representative
  
• Cornerstone (WaYfm): Weekend On Air Talent
  
• Cornerstone (WaYfm): Program Director Assitant (Intern)
  
• Meijer: Media & Stationary Sales Associate - started to help out in photolab also since the departments merged but then I quit:)
  

Four movies I can watch over and over:

• Bend It Like Beckham
  
• Pride & Prejudice (The BBC version)
  
• Gidget
• Move Over Darling
  

Four tv shows I love/like to watch:

• Beautiful People
  
• Wildfire
• I love the 90's
  
• That 70's show (I only watch like an hour of tv a week so this is when I do watch something it's usually one of these)
  

Four places I’ve been on vacation:

• Mackinac City
  
• Myrtle Beach
  
• Orlando
  
• Columbus
  

Four favorite dishes:

• Chicken - just about anything involving chicken
  
• Gramma Jo's orange juice dessert - it maybe a dessert but it's still a favorite
  
• Mashed potatoes - Gramma Jo makes the best mashed potatoes!
  
• Aunt Kathy's Knots - If you had them you'd count them too hahahaha
  

Four websites I visit daily:

• Myspace.com
• way.fm
• blogger.com
• deviantart.com

Four places I’d rather be:

• England
• Ireland
  
• Tennessee
• Anywhere that isn't Michigan :)
  

my dream...

ok so I just woke up from a reall weird dream... I went to chuch but it was all bckwards... I mean that littereally... sort off... all the guys dressed up as girls and vise versa. Like my chilhood friend / first crush, Joe dressed up like my Gramma Jo.

My dad was there... my dad is Catholic... I'm not. So that was odd. But he had 2 of his brothers with him too... my uncle Joe & My Uncle Jim.

Ther service was all about how our preacher was yet again trying to get the congragation to concent to build a new church and at a new localtion. We don't want one! But that both are true in real life.

So weird... hmm....

Oh and as I promised.... here are some pictures taken last night of the new glasses. I should have them at work today since I have to wear them when I drive.

-k- off to get ready for work...

- Stacey-

Penny & Me

Great news! I just got a call from my optometrist! I am FINALLY gonna be able to pick up my glasses on the way home tonight. So I'll make sure to post pictures of the REAL glasses in the next few days.

Oh man was it just me or was today just absolutely BEAUTIFUL!? I love spring. I was running back and forth between my office and the WCSG building without my jacket and never once got cold. It's sad how cold you can get in such a short amount of time.

Well I'm in such a good mood! I slept like i usually do last night. So that makes me feel SO much better! Plus I can finally see again when I get home. I think I'll probably end up blaring my radio while I sing and dance the ENTIRE way home. Playing a few certain songs of course... Mainly "Penny & Me" and then "Lost Without Each Other" over and over and over... :D

The only thing that could make the ride home better is if Starfield's new cd "Beauty In The Broken" was out NOW... since the FIRST street date was in December... then it was February... Then it was March... Now it's May... It's depressing! :(

GUYS I WANT TO HEAR THE NEW MUSIC... PLEASE DON'T PUSH IT BACK ANYMORE. ;)

alright I'm gonna turn down my cd cause I think I may be making Dave crazy. hahahahaha

- Stacey -

Grandma Mills

Well there's an update... as some of you already have heard. I talked to my dad and he informed me that sometime yesterday Grandma was moved to the nursing home because she was refusing any treatments. He also stated that he didn't know what was keeping her alive in which I responded "Sheer determination." Which he agreed to.

On a side note... this 'glasses' issue is making me crazy. I'm assuming they'll be in like Thursday or Friday since they said it'd be a week and a half.... Oh and I was mistaken... I had the eye appointment on Tuesday cause it was Valentines day. I wish they were already in. I JUST WANT TO SEE AGAIN!

- Stacey -

my grandma

last night my sister, Jennifer called and asked if I wanted to go to Alma to basically go say 'goodbye' to grandma before she died. Well ok she asked if I wanted to go to Alma to see her but I knew what she meant. Anyway... I agreed.

So Jennifer and Jerry (my brother-in-law) & I went to Gratiot County Hospital (the hospital where I was born) to find my dad waiting in the lobby. He's got a really bad cold the he said he hasn't been able to shake for a while now but looked like he was gonna cry.

My stepmom, Linda, 2 of her sisters & 1 one of her brother-in-laws were in the waiting room up Grandma's floor. I had never met one of her sisters so that was nice. But anyway... we got there pretty late but the hospital wasn't enforcing the normal visitng hours for her since she was so bad.

So Dad, Linda, Jerry, Jennifer & I went down to her room and Linda and the doctor said we shouldn't go in if we had any open wounds. Linda had to wear a face mask... thingie... cause she has a pretty bad cold too. Turns out my Grandma isn't dying cause she's old... well that may be a factor.... but it's because she has breast cancer in both of her breasts. She didn't know she had it and then when she found out she hid it from everyone.

Ok there's being stubborn and there's just plain crazy.

Anyway... it was a great lesson in what cancer can do if it's not properly taken care of. I'll spare you the gorry (& extremely painful) details. Just know that without a doubt she will die soon and unfortunatly in a lot of pain. :(

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I'm afraid the only prayers left to say are that God lets her pass soon so the pain is lessend and that the family learns from this and heals quickly from the void of her not being around. We all are beleivers. So we know it's better for her to pass and be with God than it is to try and believe this will go away.

- Stacey -

The new me...

Ok so it's no big secret... I need glasses... Don't they look hot??
Nah I'm just kidding... but in all honest yes I need glasses. I went.... ummm... umm.... what day was that.... maybe I need a new brain... MONDAY! That's what day it was. Ok so I went monday to get my eyes checked so I could get my perscription and order my glasses. I picked out a pair that are TOTALLY me... you'll have to wait until I get them to see if they look anything like this...

HAHAHAHAHA

on a side note... please keep my family and a friend/co-worker of mine's family in your prayers. John (my friend) is waiting on some news (last time I knew - he may have it by now) that may effect the rest of his life.

I just got a call from my sister not too long ago... maybe an hour now. Anyway... she got a call from our dad to pass on the news that my sisters & I might be getting another phone call in the next few days that my Grandma Mills has died. We've known for a for a few years it was coming... she's been steadly getting worse for a while now. She was taken to the hospital this morning (if I heard right... it may have been last night) and they think she only has a few days left. My dad says he has a cold... which is entirely possible... but Jennifer (my eldest sister who dad called) said he sounded like he was taking it pretty hard.

My dad has lost both of his parents. Grandpa Goodman died back in 1988 i think... I'm pretty sure I was 6 at the time... of lung cancer. Right Aunt Cheryl? Then Grandma Goodman died when I was a freshman in High School. That was one that took us all by surprise. But that's another story.

ANYWAY... now when my Grandma Mills passes Linda (my stepmom) will be without both of her parents. I never met my Grandpa Mills. He died long before I had the chance.

So the only granparents I will have left are my mom's - I don't think Grandpa Mitchell & Gramma Jo (yes I know I spelled Grandma oddly... it's a family thing) aren't going any time soon. But you never know right?

So anyway... If you don't hear anything from me for a few days or I'm suddenly missing from work... that's why.

I'll keep you updated when I find out more about both Grandma Mills & John.

May God lead you on the paths He has paved for you
- Stacey -

Job shadow

I'm all geeked. I just got an e-mail from the mother of an 8th grade girl in the GR area and she (the the 8th grader) wants to Job Shadow me... Not Mike... Not Joe... Not Rich & Rick... ME! I feel like a celebrity! hahahahahaha

Makes me laugh... I mean I'm a nobody. It's not like I'm a famous actor. I talk on the radio.... on the weekend... when normal people are sleeping. hahahahaha

- Stacey -

Ohio, A boyfriend, & Bambi! Oh my!

Hey bloggers. As most of you already are aware I made a trip down to central Ohio this weekend for the wedding of the night show host at WaY, Joe & his... now wife, Liz. I'm happy to report it was a beautiful wedding. Very well done. :)

However, it was quite the eventful weekend. I made the 6 1/2 hour trip along with my good friend, Micki (pictured below). Micki drove down to a Ohio... and yes I know I said 6 1/2 hour trip... she got us lost 3 times. hahahaha Not only did she get us lost but we almost died 3 times... ok well twice... the third time the kid almost died. He decided he wanted to run across the street in the middle of the night with dark clothes on right in front of us. Then Bambi and his mom ran out in front of us. Oh and can't forget that some lady stopped to turn onto the street from a parking lot with litterally only the back half of her car in the parking lot right as we were passing going down the road.

All in all it was a good time and Micki & I were glad we went... even though we didn't know anyone but Liz & Joe. OH and before I forget... Micki & stumbled across a statue of a pineapple (the picture didn't turn out) & a coffee shop with the best name ever... Jitters. How perfect of a name for a coffee shop is that??? hahahaha


But hey on a good note... when I got home Shane & I decided we were better off together than apart. I don't know why I ever held out hope for Jon... it was a crush... I was a dork. What can I say. So Shane and I are together again... as for our... umm... differences... we're working on meeting each other half way. I just hope it works this time.

Until next time... keep your stick on the ice (Red Green - if you have no idea... it's a tv show and REALLY funny)

- Stacey -

For Corey

if anyone reads my blog comments you may notice a number of "annoymous" comments without someone signing it. Yep. That's my best friend, Corey. Yes "the one that draws good" as most people put it.

So for my "busy" friend, Corey... I am updating. Let's see what's been happening in Staceyland...

ummm.....

I have become obsessed with the Free Beer & Hot Wings morning show... Thanks Hannah! hahahahaha I can't wait to see the "Rick Flare Hair" video! This one is gonna be classic!

Oh and I just found out I will be on air (not as a host) March 2 & 3 for like an hour reporting from phone central during the WaYfm 2006 Sharathon. So be sure to tune in and donate!

Other than that... life is pretty much the same... That a good post Mr. Miller? ;) hahahahha

The Sun Rises On Another Day

With every cloud there is a silver lining.

This is true on so many levels. I’ve experienced it more times that probably have been more than my share….

Why do I say this? Well mainly because I got good news from about 8 different directions today.

A friend of mine, Allen, just got married. I’m so excited he found someone who will love him whole heartedly. He has such a large heart. I don’t think the guy has ever not liked a single person he’s ever met.

Then my sister, Anisa heard from one of her childhood friends, Tara. Tara is pregnant. She and her husband have been trying to have a child for over a year now. They apparently have tried everything… literally. Now not only are they going to have a child… there is a very good chance they might be having twins!

So then my day was basically complete when I was informed that my departure from CU Radio is not going to entirely happen.  I will be leaving His Kids Radio. But I will stay on at WaYfm to record my normal Saturday morning show… along with taking on an extra shift of Sunday morning as well.

And to make that news even better… this will be the first time in WaYfm history that there will be a DJ on air at all times.

OH! And… I finished my demos finally… I’m really proud of my Production demo. I really like how it turned out… not that you probably care… but I do :D

Normal is so not for me!

ok ok I admit it. I have a problem. ok no jokes now ;) we ALL know I have mental issues hahaha.

So yeah. I need to stop watching certain types of movies and listening to certain bands. They always make me feel and/or act a certain way. For instance, tonight I was watching Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights... yeup I'm putting that on my "stay away from it's dangerous!" list. Why? Because of the dancing. Every time I see a "Dance" movie. I get all weird... like excited weird and then miss dancing so much that I literally start to dance. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. I end up dancing while doing it.

I was doing the laundry. Since I live in apartments it's pretty common to have the washer & dryer be a community use facility. Right? Well watching one of your neighbors doing the meringue down the hallway to hang up her dress shirts is not all that ordinary. I think my neighbors think I'm crazy.

They have NO idea! hahahahaha

Happiness...

Happiness… Exactly what is it? What triggers it? Why is it so important?

“The happiness of the individual. Does this mean that all happiness is deferred to the future? Not at all. Every moment of life is an opportunity to make a step towards the ultimate joy – and also to experience it on the way.”

“Personal Redemption. The goal is in the future, yet in the steps toward it are in the present. This can achieve what this Hasidim describe as the ‘personal Redemption.’ For the individual personally, now, it is as it in some ways has been attained.”

Both of these statements came from a book by Stuart McCready entitled “The Discovery Of Happiness” in which my sister gave to me for Christmas. No this was not because I’m “unhappy.” Those who know me know that’s far from the truth. But it makes me wonder how many levels of happiness there really are and how they are obtained.

It seems that so often we live for the “one day” and focus too little on the “here and now.” To those things that get us from point A to point B. While doing this the joy in just living seems to escape our thoughts. Kind of like it’s suddenly overcast and all of the those clouds in our minds have demands like “Work harder!” “Be thinner!” “Love less!” written all over them.

So I challenge you to stop reading… don’t even comment. Just take five minutes. Close the door… Shut the curtains… Turn off the music… and “find yourself”. Why? Because five minutes is all it takes. Then tell me if you feel any different.

i'm ok... really...

this is something I posted in my cousin Leslie's myspace comments after telling her everything i knew about my leaving His Kids Radio. After i posted it I realized it reall applied to all of you. So I thought I'd post it here also. So that all of you may know how much I appreciate your support. I really do. :)

the comment:

i'm ok... i've had a lot of people come up to me who are as devastaed and shocked as I was when I found out. But as time ticks on I know more and more this just a bump in God's road.

I understand that he has to give me these "bumps" to make me appreciate the goal when I reach and conquer it. I have just completed one of his tasks is all and now it's time to take on the next one.

I know it'll be worth the hurt of leaving my firends. But I know I will be missed and they know they will be also. So I know I wont lose contact with any of them.

thanks for asking - you're more than my cousin... you're a great friend and I hope you know that. I love you little one! *hugs with orange poker chips*

- Stacey -

An end and a new begining

I feel like I've failed. I know that I haven't and I know that God just has something else in mind for me. I just feel rejected. I loved my job an I'm sorry to see it and all the friends I've made go. But I'm not going to let these feelings get the best of me. I don't know if this is God's way of saying 'it's time for Nashville." or just to explore something else in the christian music industry. But I do know that God has something in store for me. to be honest... when I remind myself of that... I get excited to do something else for God on a brand new level.

Stacey's A Klutz!

Ok so most of y'all know I've been sick for a few days now.. well this morning I started getting over it. I was all geeked cause I went to my 2nd cousin's wedding yesterday (which was a long time coming) and then went to have dinner with my mom, sister and brother-in-law so life was pretty good in the land of Stacey. Well that is until I went to the store to get cheese for dinner and suddenly my clumsiness comes into play... I slammed my left pointer finger in the car door. I was with my mom in her car and I had locked the door so I was like "Mom... help... Can you unlock the door? My finger is caught in it."

That was about the time my body caught on and goes "oh hey.. This hurts" So then my calmness stopped and my eyes started to tear as I tried to not make a fool out of myself by dancing around the parking lot crying and holding my finger. I slammed it right at the base of my nail so luckily it started to bleed so some of that pressure is gone. But it started to turn that unsightly purplish black almost as soon as I got it out from the jaws of the door. So pray that God will make the throbbing go away and that I get to keep my nail.

Thought of the moment... my newest pet-peeve... typing with only 9 fingers.... I might as well type with only one hand!

today gets 2 posts!!

Oh man... all I want to do is crawl under my desk with my nice warm space heater and continue listening to the Spoken cd that I'm playing and fall asleep. I still have like 45 min 'til it's time to play phone tag and I'm done with my work... so PLEASE update blogs or I will end up falling asleep. hahahaha

- Stacey -

being sick part 2

ok so I was up off and on all night coughing. Well around 2:30 am I got a call from my friend, Lynn. I met Lynn a few years back when I dated one of his best friends, Jimmy. Oh man was that a mistake and a half.... but that's another story... ANYWAY... Lynn asked how the progression with the crush was going. I told him it was getting closer to my telling him that I like him. So when I told Lynn that I hadn't told my crush yet he goes "Ok now you owe me a date!" If you knew Lynn, you'd laugh and realize it's just Lynn.

Anyway... Lynn is SUPER funny and the first time I coughed while talking to him he was like "Stacey's got Teberculosis." and then later on after coughing like 50 times he goes "Yeup. Stacey's dying." Basically Lynn is a dork. But you'd have to know Lynn to understand him. hahaha

So yeah it was an interesting evening and for an update... for those of you that don't know... my "crush" e-mailed me back - it was a simple and to the point 'thanks' e-mail but at least it was something. :D

OH! and I purchased a new lamp for my desk. I've been being a baby over how I wanted a cute little lamp for my desk and last night I found the perfect one. So it's proudly lighting up my desk as we speak.

Sick..

ok well as a follow up to the last post... I e-mailed him... sort of... I'm trying here.

So anyway... got to meet Warren Barfield today. That was super cool. I've actually been a fan of his since "My Heart Goes Out" and he never tours on this side of the country so it was way unexpected but really nice to meet him. He's REALLY funny! I got to hear the new cd too... just fyi... it's really good! :D

As you can tell by the subject... I'm sick. Not sick enough to stay home though. But I would personally like to thank whomever I obtained this from this time. That's about all that is happening in the land of Stacey. well all except my thoughts right now...

*intro music that's all jazzy*

I guess I never realized how blue eyes can get. I mean I always know they could get like so blue they almost... oh what's the word... umm... well... you know... anyway... I guess I never really paid any attention until now. As you all know I have a BIG crush. Well I just saw a new picture of him and I tell ya his eyes are the bluest I've ever seen. THIS IS NOT GOOD! I'm supposed to not be thinking about him all the time... seeing that is NOT helping at all. Ok ranting over. Night. *cough*

- Stacey -

Living the dream

Everyday you live your life loving someone. That one person that God has created just for you. Even if you’ve never met them. You spend your whole life praying that “this one is the one.” And when you find you that they aren’t your heart is shattered. It’s more often than not stated “I will never love again.” When in all actuality… you’re right. Because you will never mortally love anyone as much as you love that one person.

If everyone realized this… the world might be a far better place. I’m in the midst of watching a movie called “If Only.” It stars Jennifer Love Hewitt who I’m not that big fan of but the movie looked good. She gets into a car accident and dies. Her boyfriend, Ian, doesn’t realize how much he loves her until after she’s gone.

So often in our lives we feel this way. We find that “one” person and we act as if they’re just another stepping stone to the person we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives with. We don’t take the time to take notice of the gift that God has given us. We don’t take the chance at love. At what could be.

Fear over takes us. And consumes us like we’re drowning in our own thoughts. Afraid to take a risk and see where God leads us. I, myself am guilty of this. I fear the “what if” so much that I never just take the risk.

I don’t know God’s plan or why “he” keeps getting thrown in my path. All I know is that he does. It could be a relationship… friendship… colleagues…. Whatever it maybe God has something in mind for me. I’m so afraid. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to take the “leap” and get my heart broken. But at the same time if I don’t… someone else might take the chance before me.

I just wish God would tell me what he wants from me. But I know he thinks that I need to discover the path on my own. I need to seek out the trail and rake away the leaves. I need to open my eyes and my heart to whatever it maybe. I’ve already found that he wants me to be in Christian music. I’m still learning if that’s staying in radio… working at a label…. Or working on the road. All I know is that this is where he wants me… and that it has lead me to meeting “him.”

Matthew.. Travis... and A Broken Heart

Ok so I enjoyed the weather yesterday and then I was so dissappointed when Michigan showed it's true colors once again and did a 180 and SNOWED today! Well other than that I had a great day. I was totally on top of all my production... ok well all except the singles cd but that's hard to get done when you need a computer with a burner and all the Prod studios are taken. It would be SO much easier if my personal comp was hooked up to the network with the songs I needed on it.

So yeah it was a good day. Balyo has a blog now so I'm gonna start watching that one too and am gonna try to tease him as much as possible esp since he made me laugh during my tracking earlier. I told him I was gonna post "you're a dork!" like 50 times in his comments. hahaha too bad he has to approve the comments. Otherwise I SO would.

OH! THEN I've been basically craving my fix on Matthew & Travis... two of my favorite bands and then I started freaking out when I couldn't find them! AND... STILL NOTHING! I have NO idea where they are and I'm SERIOUSLY sad!

thought of the day... I really don't want to look like I have no life so I'm like all freaked out about posting everyday. But oh well at least I'm posting at all right??
- Stacey -

WAHOO! THANKS!

SUPER huge thanks to Hannah, Faith, Ryan & Topher for all of your putting up with my headaches.... well... the headaches I must have given you! hahaha. But it's cool it's all worked out now and I have 1 count it 1 blog site now... well that is until Topher creates the one for WaY. hahaha. But seriously thanks guys. OH! and I almost forgot John. Thanks for the pics... I will hopefully have that changed by the end of the day. :)

Y'all are gems I owe each and everyone one of you BIG time!

*thought of the moment*

woah... I don't have any... that's odd... my mind is a complete blank... must be now that this is taken care of... well I'm cold and it's the warmest day of the year so far... does that count? hahaha

- Stacey -

Newbie alert!

Forgive me I'm still working on this whole thing. Should be no time before I have it up and running with the rest of the clan from CU (Cornerstone University)... it's where I work... sort of... I work for 2 of the 3 (technically 4) radio stations that are an outreach of CU. Anyway.. this is me at home the other day...

Look! It's me! :D

Oh Happy (Foggy) Day

Ok so here's the deal... I woke up this morning to... dun dun dun... surprise surprise... WaYfm. Anyway... "Mood Rings" by: Relient K was playing and it made me laugh and gave me this thought... I should do a daily (Or better yet... Blogly) "what I'm thinking right now." so... your "what I'm thinking right now" for this blog is....

Why do people call a navel a belly button it doesn't look like a button? and speaking of buttons... who came up with that term? and why do people say "awe aren't you cute as a button?" Does anyone SERIOUSLY tink buttons are cute??? OH and "navel" why "Navel" oranges?

I could go on with my constant confusion of Hawk Nelson being Canadian and sending letters to the president that they DON'T have... But let's save that for another time... I'm always confused with that one!
Thanks to all who called the request lines last night telling me jokes trying to see if I would get them or how long it would take me to get them... and no I wasn't making any of that up... I'm just really that bad with them.

OH and one more note... LESLIE!!!! I hope you're reading this since you aren't getting my IMs....

I realized today that I... once again... was jumping to the wrong conclusions. The 'bad day' i've been having a lot lately and gradually getting better from is totally over. I realized that Leslie was right and I was thinking the worst when it really was not at all what I was thinking. So thanks to all of you that noticed I was having a bad day when I tried to hide it (Moose & Leslie) and to those of you who left me notes of encouragement when I wasn't hiding it well enough... or at all.

So all is well and even this foggy... dreary... half rainy weather wont get me down today!

Cable in the Middle Of Nowhere

Ok this is SERIOUSLY disturbing! I live in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Michigan... So my cable options aren't the best. So therefore it's harder for me to keep up with my favorite sport, Soccer. SO... I just went online to get the updates since I've been out of the loop for a while. Ok... you ready for this....

Micheal Owen is playing for Newcastle United.

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? HAVE I REALLY BEEN LEFT OUT HERE IN NO MAN'S LAND, USA THAT LONG????

Someone... please tell me this is something new and I don't need to binge out on hourly soccer stats just to make sure I don't miss this sort of thing again.

That's it! I'm moving to Europe where it's easy to follow the UEFA! see I don't like football... basketball... baseball... tennis... what other sports am I missing? I can watch golf. I LOVE HOCKEY. But Soccer is my favorite sport and I have NO idea what's going on!

ok enough of my rantings. I have to get to a meeting. *takes a deep breath* bye

- Stacey -

SUPER jealous!

I just called my cousin, Christopher... poor guy is the only boy cousin on that side of the family and there are 9 of us girls (technically 10 but that's another story). Anyway... I called him to let him know about the KJ52 concert coming to town in late March. Much to my surprise he and Aunt Julie... *deep breath* are in KEY WEST!

And I was all excited that it was going to get in the 40's today! They're enjoying the upper 70's! Man I'm jealous. :(

But hey Matt Hammitt from Sanctus Real will be in the WaYg studio on Mike's show giving away their Fight The Tide cd for the Tuesday Tounge Twister game. Tune in to win! Pictures taken by moi will be posted on my website shortly there-after.

- Stacey -

Little Red...

Ok so here's the deal I work for HIS KIDS RADIO too... for those of you who have NO idea what that is besides the obvious "a radio station for kids" It's one of WaYfm's sister stations geared towards 2 - 12 year olds. ANYWAY... Mike had a picnic basket looking... well... basket in his office of mine (well HIS KIDS). So I grabbed it while I was last in his office so he didn't have to deal with it being in his way and because it had some of my HIS KIDS balloons, Pins & Color Pages/Word Searches. I was waiting for him to get off the phone and John Balyo walks by (probably still looking for his log) and goes "Goin' on a picnic?" I laughed and called back "Yeah! Want a balloon?"

So yeah it was funny... THEN...

Couchman got off the phone and goes "Hey little red riding hood!"

Yeah.... THEN...

I stopped to talk to Michael Sirianni (Middays on WCSG) cause he's my support system for my OCD (Not WAY out of control... just a few things... I have a touch of it). So I had to update him that I think one of my "I have to do this numerous times" things is completely gone (WAHOO!!!! *does a happy dance*). And he made some 'awe how cute' comment about my carrying the basket back to my office.

THEN....

Jeff Vance (another guy from WCSG) walked by Sirianni's office and goes "Look it's Little Red Stacey Hood!"

I'm just wondering how many other people were thinking of a 'little red riding hood' comment and never said anything. hahahah

k bye...
- Stacey -

Spring...

Today in West - Central Michigan looks and feels like Spring is just around the corner. So much so that I have been cleaning like it is. Not to mention eating that way also. It seems that all that I am eating lately has the word "salad" in it. I love salads. I grew up in a house where 3 out of the 4 of us girls loved them (Mom, Anisa & I). Jen was the only one of us who never liked lettuce. In fact she doesn't like "green" food. as she calles it. So hardly any veggies which I could live off of... well ok that and chinese food. But I'm all excited cause later on today I'm going to go on a walk with my mom. Something we haven't done since the fall but we love to do.

I'm so proud of myself... I.... sort of... learned how to braid my hair. I grew up a tomboy and as you can tell from my pictures... I'm not good with doing my own hair. Usually if something more than curled ends, a messy bun, or a ponytail is done with it... it's all Anisa. But hey... I'm working on it :)

Until next time....

- Stacey -

Trouble in Spazland...

Ok I'm having a SERIOUS complex here!

My beautiful niece, Emmalee (and her just as beautiful sister, Kendra) are having a sleep over at my apartment tonight. So I was playing with Emmalee and she saw my stomach when I was lying down and goes "Is that a ring in your tummy?" I explained to her that yes Aunt Stacey has an "earring" in her belly. And then she goes "You're fat"

Ok I was just told today by John Balyo (10am - 2pm weekday on WaYfm) at the WCSG Blood Drive that I could afford to eat my usual double cheese burger from Mickie D's. He goes "I bet you get told a lot that people hate you." Don't be like that... He was talking about my weight... Ok seriously!!! How can I be fat when I only weigh 97 lbs. Yes I said 97 lbs. No I'm not lying. Don't believe me? I will bring a scale to the next WaYfm event I attend... Come and see. ANYWAY... so I'm having a serious complex here... 3 year olds are like SUPER honest. She called me fat. I just wanted to cry. Ok I'm done whining now.

- Stacey -

HUGELY small favor!

I know I know... ANYWAY... As you can tell by my recent comments a co-dj/friend of mine, Andy (Overnights Mon - Fri) has only had 25 page views. So please do me a HUGELY small favor and go to his page... add him as a friend... leave him a comment saying that I'm a cool friend for getting him more page views! :D

This is Andy...

He can be found by clicking HERE!

THANKS HEAPS!
- Stacey -

Rainy Days & Mondays...

Ok so it's not Monday and No I'm not going to start singing anything by the Carpenters... But I truly detest totally bleh days like today and yesterday. Honestly why does Michigan have to be known as the state that never has consistent weather? For once I would love to wake up and go "oh yesterday was cold and wet... I bet today is!" Instead of having to listen to the weather channel every 5 minutes to see if it's changed. Cause you never know if that day after the "cold and wet" day is going to be breaching the 100's and not a cloud in the sky.

Sorry. It's just that when we get weather like this I get really depressed. My mom is the same way. In fact the weather yesterday drained me so much that it took literally all of my energy to get my lazy self out of bed this morning. Not a good thing when I have to check in radios and answer phones for His Kids Radio.

Oh well... another day older another smidge wiser... right?

How are those New Years Resolutions comin' y'all?

Bugs In The Plans

Ok so what do you do when your heart gets broken? Blame the other person for being the one that broke you heart? Blame your friends for letting you get hurt? How about blame yourself for falling for that person in the first place? No matter how you act when something like this happens... never loose sight of the one that will be there when things don't go the way you plan them. God has a plan for everyone. It's not God that makes these things happen. But rest asure He will be there to cry with you when it does. He'll be there to hold you when you need a shoulder in unknown surroundings. God will pick you back up and show you a better path. You just have to open your heart and your mind to see it.

Yes... Leslie... I think you're right in what you said last night. ALL OF IT. :)

- Stacey -

Bad Day....

I need major help... I had a horrible day... one of the worst in a while. It was so bad that I almost called "him" the one person I'm supposed to stay away from. But ever since I've known him he's the only person who knew EXACTLY what to say. Maybe that's why I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear that everything was going to be ok. But that's exactly the reason I need to stay away from him. Well.. that amungst other reasons... In a nut shell... He always was a sweet talker. He knew exactly what made me tick... he knew how to get to me.

No I don't want him back... he was a better friend then he ever was a boyfriend... I thought he was a good boyfriend... but once I realized who he really was... and the lies he had told... I realize it was all for the best. Who am I kidding... he wouldn't even answer the phone. He's forgotten all about me. But to be totally honest that's a good thing. Then I don't have to fight him again.

However I did call someone who had been a good boyfriend. Someone who loved me and someone I hurt. He's always been such a good friend and I'm glad we will always have that.

thanks for listening to the sob story... it's over now I promise.

Tacos & Broken Dreams

Oh man do I have a story... Ok see a certain fast food franchise... I'll give you a hint or 10... two words... first words is Taco and the second is Bell... just opened like litterally 2 minutes from my apartment... Well my big sister, Anisa (Youngest of 3) & have been promising each other that we'd go... Well it opened Dec 19 and we JUST got around to going tonight. We got all geeked and went...

We're in the drive through and even more geeked cause for the first time since it opened there weren't like a million cars there. So we decide what we want and pull up to order and the guy goes "Umm.. we're closed cause of equipment failure..." So of course we pulled away TOTALLY disappointed. My 7 months pregnant sister didn't get her taco and my poor stomach just ate my spleen cause it's mad at me for not feeding it a chicken qusadilla.

Can you tell I'm seriously sad about this?

- Stacey -

Merry Happy New Year!

First off MERRY NEW YEAR! :D

Awight... so it's jouwnaw twime... ok enough of the baby talk... sorry I'm a... umm.... "odd" mood. Sorry there was an incident with a taco and I'm seriously sad. but anyway...

Ok so last night I got to hang out with some friends of mine, The Emberlight, for a New Years Bash that WaYfm has been talking about for a few months now. While there I got to meet some cool new people and a few of the guys from The Elms.

ok story time!

y'all know about my New Kids On The Block shirt... ok well I wore it last night and then later on while we were all just sitting around out in the lobby and had our jackets on ready to leave the lead singer from The Elms.... Owen... I think... was sitting in a chair behind me (I was sitting on a table with my back to him) Anyway... he goes "So do you guys play the New Kids On The Block on your station?" and then he said something about my promoting them or something. Anyway it was funny and I just remember thinking "I've had my jacket on for a while now... either he really likes the shirt or he has a really good memory."

It was just one of those things where I didn't know how to respond so I just laughed and looked like an idiot. So yeah... just felt you needed to know :D

Good night.